


Easy as ABC

by Miss_Von_Cheese, nausicaa82



Series: Pippa and Steve [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Domestic, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Surgery, Thanksgiving, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2018-01-01 10:20:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Von_Cheese/pseuds/Miss_Von_Cheese, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nausicaa82/pseuds/nausicaa82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pippa is cleared for the next step in her transition and Steve is more than willing to play nurse for her as she experiences unexpected complications.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sixth part in our series, and as such makes lots of references to the previous installments of [Pippa and Steve's story](http://archiveofourown.org/series/47198).
> 
> (We started writing this story before Agents of SHIELD aired so there are no references to Tahiti, and Pippa recovered from her being stabbed in this hospital.)

The surgeon’s office was silent except for the ticking of the damn clock that never stopped. Never. Pippa would have loved to stop time, to just disappear in a hole and not come back until she was ready, but she wasn’t really allowed to use the S.H.I.E.L.D. devices that could do it. 

Truth was, if she had told her younger self that by almost fifty she still wasn’t quite sure, she wouldn’t have believed it. And here she was, sitting in the doctor’s office like a pouty child, unable to open her usually big mouth to voice what she really desired, what she craved deep inside.

“I—I…” she sighed in a weak voice.

“It’s okay Agent, take your time,” Doctor Liu assured, a warm smile on his face. “I have nowhere else to be; you’re my only appointment this afternoon. I know this is an important decision, and I don’t wanna rush it.”

Pippa took a deep breath and looked away. Through the window she could see the lovely park of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s private hospital where recovering agents were getting some fresh air. It was a nice and safe place, and she knew she didn’t have to worry about the money; she didn’t have to worry about anything. She was legally allowed to take a few weeks off, she trusted the medical team. Everything would be okay. Except that she still couldn’t choose, and she hated to appear so weak and undecided in front of other S.H.I.E.L.D. employees. Medics yes, but still S.H.I.E.L.D. employees.

“I— I don’t know…” Pippa finally sighed, looking at the implants on the desk. “I really don’t know.”  
Oh, how she hated to sound so whiny! She just had to take one single decision! She was alone in the office, she had wanted to do this on her own and not to be influenced by Steve. He would have told her that whatever she chose he would always support her, he only wanted her to be happy but Pippa knew she would have checked his reactions, analyzed his every move, his every breath, and she had to remember she was doing it for herself and no one else.

The surgeon rearranged the implants of different sizes on the desk; even after half an hour he didn’t seem bored or impatient. “Do you want to tell me what you think, Coulson? Perhaps I can help you?”

Pippa held back yet another sigh, nodding softly. She wasn’t used to opening her heart but she couldn’t treat her doctor like a stranger, she had to trust him and listen to his advice. His opinion was valuable and he would soon literally get under her skin, it didn’t really matter if she let him know her most intimate thoughts.

“I… I’m not sure,” she finally confessed. “I don’t know which one to choose between a B and a C cup.” Just by saying that she was afraid to feel a judgemental glare.

“Okay, tell me why you hesitate between these two, please.” Doctor Liu had a soothing voice, always gentle, he never was snarky or teasing like some surgeons could be because they thought it made them sound cooler.

Pippa knitted her brow and folded her hands on her lap. “The pros of a C cup are… the feminine silhouette I could get, the impression to finally be really feminine, the… herm, advantages it can bring to my private life, the pleasure to wear clothes designed for ciswomen… the balance it would give my hips… the toxic idea that it would please my fiance more even if I know I’m not doing this for him…”

She made a pause, smiled nervously. “On the other hand a B cup would be more discreet, practical, easier to adapt to, easier to… you know… handle during missions, I don’t want them to be in the way… and I want it to look natural, not fake. I mean, I don’t want to offend you Doc, I trust your skills, but it’s… I don’t want to look like a playmate, I don’t want to… to…”

Pippa looked outside the window again, furious to look so shy. But when he spoke, Liu’s words were so true they felt like a cold shower and she looked back to him worriedly.

“You don’t want to look shallow,” the doctor kindly said. “You don’t want to be judged for picking a C cup because you think it’s vanity when you could ‘settle’ for a B.”

She was blushing when she looked at the firm but gelatinous blobs on the desk, nodding slowly. One part of her wanted the big breasts she had enjoyed so much on her ex girlfriends, one part of her wanted to remain modest because let’s admit it, she would never be a pinup, it was useless to pretend at her age. One part of her wanted to flaunt her beautiful cleavage and give Steve something to grab with his large hands, one part of her wanted to look as natural as possible and try not to care about Steve’s opinion because it was her call not his.

“Agent Coulson, this is not ours to judge what you desire. You deserve to do precisely what you want. If you had told me you wanted a double D or bigger, I would have told you that it would be perhaps a bit difficult to adapt to and it might cause problems to your body. But as a professional I can give you my opinion: seeing your body type, your bone structure, a C cup wouldn’t be “too big”. You’re tall, athletic, you’re not a skinny teenager, they wouldn’t look shocking on you. Of course you will need to adapt and I won’t lie, the first weeks won’t be easy. I understand perfectly if you want a smaller size though, it’s gonna be less changes, it will be more comfortable at first… both options have advantages, both are good.”

He made a pause then added with a smile, “I think that you would look equally feminine with a B or a C cup, it’s in your attitude and surgeries can’t change that. However, I really don’t think anything, including bigger breasts, could stop Agent Coulson from doing her job.”

Pippa rubbed her nose, annoyed by this lump in her throat that wouldn’t leave. She got up, opened the top of her unbuttoned shirt and slipped for the third time the implants in her bra, two different sizes to compare. “I would love them,” she murmured, touching the larger one. “But I’m afraid that would be too much.”

“I don’t think you realize how reasonable you are,” the surgeon assured. “Most trans*women I meet don’t want anything under a D cup, they want to finally enjoy an aggressive and sexy femininity, and be proud of it. You are really careful, Agent. And that’s a good thing, usually. If you would be this careful while you recover, that would be perfect!”

They both knew that was impossible. Pippa shook her head, removed the implants, already feeling empty without an enhanced cleavage. “I just want them to look natural, I… I want ‘em to be real, Doctor. I don’t want to look like I’m…”

Liu sat back behind his desk, finding back his calm voice. “Listen, Agent, if I may… you should perhaps speak to your therapist about that. Nowadays we have the technology to make implants look realistic but as long as you will consider them ‘fake,’ they will be ‘fake’. You should not see them as an addition, Coulson. We do not do this just to make you feel prettier, this is much more than that. Of course, if HRT had been enough to make you feel good, it would have been better for you but you are allowed to want more, you are allowed to get something else. My team and I are here for that.” He pressed a few keys and opened a file on his tablet.

“We have already changed several agents’ bodies, here,” he showed the pictures of badly burned skin regenerated, broken noses reshaped. “They got reconstructive surgery because life had scared them. Now it’s your turn, deep inside you feel like life wasn’t fair to you, and it’s your right to change that the way you want. You’re no different from these other agents, even if your situation is less usual, and these implants will become a part of you so it’s only your decision to make.”

Pippa’s lashes fluttered, she stared at the surgeon in shock, realizing how good it was to hear these words. No, she wasn’t being shallow, she didn’t just want to show off. She wanted to finally have the same experiences any woman would, the good and bad ones. For the last three years she had buried the hatchet and made peace with her own body, she was now feeling better than ever, she had every right to go on that way.

“I understand…” she nodded. “I think I get it. Truth is I desperately want a C cup and I have no excuses, no valuable reasons except that… that I want it. But I’m afraid it will look strange.”

“I think you need the change, Pippa. You need to feel and see yourself differently. It will be good for your confidence and self-esteem. Either this or you get a new haircut.” Liu laughed softly. “I do not encourage you to get the bigger size because for me, it’s all just the same. I won’t get a bigger paycheck, this is all just for you. But what I think is that you’ve had to deal with body parts you didn’t like, you’ve settled with them for a long time, you were brave for so long, you can indulge in some whims for once.”

Pippa chuckled. “Thank you Doc… they were right, you really understand women,” she smiled, finally feeling a bit better.

“I try, agent. That’s my job. Now do we still schedule the surgery for tomorrow morning before another villain threatens to destroy Earth or do you wish to think about it for a while? I know I said we'd wait a year last spring, but your last physical showed such improvement that there was no reason to wait any longer as long as you are emotionally ready.”

Pippa shrugged as she got up and shook his hand. “Trust me, I’ve been thinking about it for a really long time. Tomorrow’s perfect.” Tomorrow so she wouldn’t chicken out. Tomorrow so she wouldn’t have time to think it was too early, too big, too inappropriate, too useless. In the elevator she ran a hand on her chest. She already missed the curves pushing against the fabric of her shirt, filling her bra, hiding the sight of her flat stomach. It was her decision and it would be a good one.

When she entered her building and started climbing the stairs, her phone rang. Fury. She took the call, praying that it wasn’t bad news.

"Coulson? I wanted to let you know the formalities are over, I just received your updated birth certificate, passport and license on my desk.” She immediately turned and started going down the stairs to go into headquarters. “Don’t start running, I’ll have someone bring them to you. Enjoy your vacation." She was in a bit of a shock, but knew she wouldn’t realize fully what it meant until she saw the papers. 

“Sir, I… thank you. Thank you!”

"You’d better not come back to this building until next month, you’re my one good eye. Take care of yourself, soldier, it’s an order." Fury warned.

"Of course Marcus, I will." she smirked, using his name only on exceptional occasions. "Call me if you need me."

He said he wouldn’t, yet it was probable that if he really needed the Avengers, he would call their favorite handler, too. Pippa sighed and opened her door to go back to Steve, a bit dizzy after an afternoon of good but terrifying news.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve heard Pippa unlocking the door, and he scrambled to put away the list he was working on. He moved to greet her at the door, and his heart swelled to see one of his favorite smiles on her face. 

"Looks like someone had a good day! Or maybe just a good late meeting-- anything to do with the email I got from S.H.I.E.L.D. granting me a month of leave I don’t remember requesting?" He arched his eyebrow and pulled her into a warm embrace. Pippa nuzzled his neck, comforted by his hug, and stepped back after a few moments to put her bag on the hat stand.

"Yes, good news," she said, voice trembling a little. She took a small bottle of water from the fridge, tried to drink but her hands were shaking and she wet her chin, some water falling onto her shirt. With a sigh she grabbed the closest chair to hold on, then sat slowly.

"Now I’m freaking out," she mumbled with a half smile. She breathed slowly to calm down, took Steve’s hands and entwined their fingers. "I don’t know where to start. So, tomorrow, 0800, at the hospital, no breakfast. Dr. Liu gave his authorization for the big day."

"Pippa! That’s wonderful news, but it’s so quick! There’s so much to do!” Steve’s was so excited for his fiancee to finally get the thing she had wanted for such a long time. He started to ramble on with questions, caught up in the momentum of it all. "Did he give you any special instructions? Should you have a light dinner or should we celebrate? Will you be staying at the hospital overnight? Do I need to make you a bag? Can I stay with you while there? Do you have any medication to take before that I need to go pick up from the pharmacy? Damn…the elevator is out again, I won’t have you climbing the stairs while you recover…" he trailed off when he saw she was still slightly shaking. "Sweetheart, you… this is what you still want, right? 

"Yes!" Pippa instinctively replied. She got up, wiped her sweaty palms on her skirt. "Yes, of course I want it. I, um…" She started to count on her fingers, enumerating her answers to every question Steve had asked. 

“No alcohol tonight of course, he didn’t say anything about the dinner but I think carbs would be more than appropriate in this situation. No meds before the procedure, they will take care of my Oestradiol. I’ll stay overnight, and you don’t have to stay with me, I’ll probably be tired when I wake up anyway…”

Chewing on her bottom lip Pippa paused for a second. The doctor had given her permission to want something without a thoroughly sound reason, so she may as well continue on with it. “But I would like you to stay with me. If you want, of course. And tonight, too… I really need you tonight in the ‘I’m gonna follow your every step and beg for attention like a puppy’ kind of way…”

"Of course I want to stay with you, for once you’ll have to let me take care of you without your usual fight. Besides I’ll need to be there to make sure you don’t spill any top government secrets like where my ticklish spots are." He winked, trying to cover how worried he was about the whole situation. 

He still remembered how upset she was on their first date when she found out she couldn’t have the surgery as planned nine months ago, but the reason had been sound. He knew Pippa was very good at getting what she wanted and that she wouldn’t always keep her safety as her main priority. Steve hoped that the surgeon was stronger willed than he himself was and that she really was healthy enough to have the procedure now. 

"I was going to make pork chops tonight, but let me get cleaned up and we’ll go out instead… the bistro with those crepes you like?"

"I don’t wanna change your plans, Darling,” Pippa pouted. But after looking around she realized she was going to be stuck for weeks at home, something she was not used to, and capitulated. "No, you’re right. I’ll be better outside, I need to relax."

She followed Steve to the bathroom, partly to get her hair and makeup fixed, partly to stay near him. As she was changing for a more casual dress, she mumbled. "I know it’s gonna be fine, I’m not afraid of the surgery, I can take it. But I’ve been waiting for this for so long now. I hope I won’t be disappointed. I hope you won’t be either." She knew it was a possibility. And there was the _other_ thing she wasn’t ready to talk about with him yet. He slowed a bit as he pulled his slacks up, catching her eyes in the mirror as she was putting on her earrings. 

"I just want you to be healthy, Sweetheart." He moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, trying to be as loving as he could, aware that after he would have to be more cautious with his touch for at least a while. "You know I love your breasts now, and I’ll love them after tomorrow, too. I love them because they are yours, not for their size."

He helped with her coat as the fall nights were certainly more crisp as of late. Then the two walked hand in hand and extremely close down the street to the restaurant. Steve noticed how Pippa really didn’t seem with him, nodding her head at his comments. After they had ordered their drinks, he leaned in and spoke low so the other patrons couldn’t hear. 

"You know, I can’t fight well without having my handler giving me the plan of attack." She finally looked at him like she was really there, and not just in a daze. "We’re partners in this, right?"

Pippa blushed, shook her head. She looked back at the bubbles in her fruit juice, sorry to be caught. She knew Steve was aware of everything she did, he knew when she wasn’t precisely herself but she wasn’t used to be read like this, when he noticed something wrong with her he usually kept it to himself. 

"Sorry my love," she whispered, kissing his knuckles. "It’s just that it’s a mission I started by myself several years ago, I always prepared myself to go through everything alone. I didn’t think I would have such good company, really. I know we’re a team. I’m just not certain of what will happen."

She thanked the waitress who brought their starters before turning towards Steve again and decided to focus on him for the night. “I think for now the plan is simple, I just need my favorite Captain to cover me until I’m able to defend myself again. I know you’ve always got my back.”

"Always," Steve replied and took a bite. "But I think I’m going to have to hide your laptop and phone so you’ll get some real rest and not be tempted to check your work email." During the meal, Steve tried to lighten the mood as best he could, recounting silly jokes and stories from when he was younger. He even told her about how he and Clint were trying to train the archer’s new adopted dog in the park earlier that afternoon. 

"… so after the third time the dog ate pizza out of garbage, we called it a day. You thought training new recruits was hard, this dog is like cat— it has its own agenda and nothing anyone says is going to alter it." 

"Ah, I think there’s only one way to train adult dogs, with lots of food and affection," Pippa snorted. "But this one, I don’t know if he’s too dumb or too smart to be trained." She laughed softly and took Steve’s hand as she finished her dessert. She felt good with him, even after all these months they still learned more about each other everyday, and she felt as smitten as she was during their first dates. She could tell he was smiling too much, making efforts to cheer her up and distract her from her troubles, and it was absolutely working.

She let Steve pay, protesting just so he could see she was still the same; she knew she couldn’t be too stubborn for a few days, and Steve was worried, probably not for the same reasons, so he needed to spoil her. “Okay you can pay but promise me next time it’s on me.”


	3. Chapter 3

Once they were on the street, walking close like two lovers out of time, they suddenly saw a bright flash of light then heard the rumble of thunder approaching. The rain didn’t wait and in a few seconds the walks were slippery, the streets soaked. Pippa cursed, her first reflex being to run but she stopped, bumping into Steve, and groaned, “I can’t catch a cold! Not now! Only one sneeze and they’ll reschedule again!”

She stood there for a few seconds, paralyzed by the fear of changing the deadline again, until she realized she had a strong and caring fiance, her best asset. She jumped into his arms, like a little girl, and buried her face under the collar of his jacket.

"Take me home real quick, please?"

Steve tightened his grip on her and rushed through the streets back to their building. Despite his efforts, by the time they got to the doorman, they were both soaked through from the cold rain. 

"Ms. Coulson, a carrier dropped off some papers for you." The doorman Ernie looked fondly at the two of them as Steve wouldn’t put her down even though they were inside. With a subtle nod and smile, he handed her the sealed envelope and watched as Steve carried her up the stairs. In their apartment, Steve finally released her and started unbuttoning her coat with shivering shaky hands. 

"I think you need a nice hot shower to relax and warm up." He spotted the S.H.I.E.L.D. emblem on the envelope, and sighed. "Don’t they know you’re on leave? Why would they express work papers over to you tonight?" 

It’s only when Pippa saw the irregular shape of the envelope and the stamp that she remembered her conversation with Fury, and realized she hadn’t told Steve about that either. She gave him a sorry look as she removed her damp dress.

"Oh, I forgot about this," she sighed. She took the envelope, opened it, looked at Steve then back at her hands. She felt weak, as if she was going to drop the light papers. Finally she took her passport-- the only real one, not one of the many fake from S.H.I.E.L.D., her birth certificate, and her driving license. She remembered for how long it had hurt to read the other name on them, having to use her connections at S.H.I.E.L.D. to persuade people that they really were hers. But not this time. Her picture had been updated, her name was right and even her gender was finally, officially, the good one. 

"I— I am legal…" she blurted, tears in her voice.

It took Steve a second to figure out what she meant as he was unbuttoning his own shirt, but when it clicked into place he smiled so wide it could have broken his face. 

"Your papers are finally correct! What a red letter day! Everything is falling into place, the surgery, your papers…" He stepped closer to her, standing in just her wet underthings, her slip translucent, her eyes were shining more than he knew was normal and she was shaking a bit herself. 

"Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Did they get something incorrect?" 

"No… no, it’s perfect," Pippa smiled with a trembling sigh. She put down the precious documents on the table, looking at the texture of the paper, the stamps, the watermarks that proved they weren’t fake.

"It’s perfect," she repeated and took Steve’s hands, squeezing them in her small fingers. "It means that it’s official. It’s over. No more pretending, no more explanations to give, no one can ask me why my license says ‘male,’ where is my husband when they wanna talk to Phil Coulson. The government itself acknowledges my identity, I’m not stuck in the middle." Tears were rolling down her face now but her smile was brighter than ever. “I’ll never have to be called ‘sir’ again… it’s over.”

Steve wiped the tears from her face with a gentle swipe of his thumb. “Now you can go forward…” There was a slight question in his voice. They had held off talking about their wedding since becoming engaged, Pippa citing waiting for her corrected birth certificate and Steve not wanting to press it. But every time he went on a mission, he worried he would be killed without things being properly set up for her. 

"First things first, let’s get you warm and ready for your big day tomorrow." He kissed her forehead and pulled her into their bathroom then started the shower. Pippa followed him, comforted by the warm stream and purred when Steve started to gently wash her. She kissed him and made sure she was clean enough not to be embarrassed in front of the doctors.

When they got out, Pippa put on her favorite soft gown and robe and let Steve brush her hair as they talked about the ways they were going to keep her busy for the next days; she loved how he could be strong and aggressive during battles yet gentle and careful when he dealt with the knots in her hair. "You’re the sweetest of all," she murmured, kissing his jaw.

Steve blushed and turned his head so he could steal a kiss from her. “It’s a good thing we weren’t out in the storm too long… I would have melted,” he joked. The thunder and now soft rain falling against their windows was pleasant since they were home, safe and dry. 

They packed their kits for the hospital stay, but still stayed in each other’s personal space as much as they could. Steve had tried to push down his worry all night, but as things were more set, the next day felt more real, and memories of his own procedure were making him concerned. 

"Pippa, about tomorrow…" he cleared his throat, but found no strength in doing so. "I know what it is like getting a new body, and how…" He trailed off as he realized it wasn’t going to be the same as when he changed. She’d have anesthetics and not feel the pain of the transformation as he had. This wasn’t experimental super science, this was route. He breathed a sigh of relief, shook his head and could look her in the eye now. 

"How you will need some time to adjust, and make it feel like it is yours. I don’t want you to feel like you have to rush or push yourself about us," he bit at his lip and looked away, still awkward when discussing such things. "Our being intimate again…"

Pippa felt some of her anxiety go away as he gave her opportunities to back up, as always, and do only what she wanted to do. She pulled him to bed and slipped under the sheets, unsure of what she had done to deserve such a great fiance.

"I know you can sympathize," she smiled. She pressed a finger on his chest. "After all, you’ve grown bigger breasts too!" With a soft laugh she rested her head on his shoulder. “I promise I’ll be careful. We’ll take our time, even sleeping and cuddling will be challenging at first so we’ll keep the fondue for later…” 

"Oh no, don’t you start with that, too," Steve groaned, slightly regretting telling her at dinner of his misunderstanding when he first met Howard, hiding his face with his arm. "You know he told that story to Tony when he was a teenager. He teases me mercilessly about it, especially with your code name being ‘Cheese.’"

She giggled as she caressed his cheek, tender and definitely in need of loving touches, Pippa saw her ring and realized nothing prevented them from getting married anymore. She had the groom, she had the right name and soon she would even have better cleavage to make her dress prettier. "Soon…" she predicted with a cheeky grin, wiggling her fingers and the ring in front of him.

At her touch and display of the ring, he relented his hiding spot, visibly perking up. “Yeah?” Steve beamed and held her closer. “Soon soon? Like next week? Or in the hospital chapel? You could wear a hospital gown and show everyone this fine ass you have,” he quipped while running his hand over her hip. 

Pippa laughed as he tickled her and softly slapped his shoulder. “What? No flowers, no ballroom, and what about my fancy dress?” She looked up and saw in his eyes how behind his pretend haste he really wanted to take this step. When he suggested the hospital chapel, even if that was just a joke, she realized he probably wanted a small ceremony, something quiet. 

Of course it was always going to be small, they didn’t have fifty people to invite after all, but she had foolishly hoped for a romantic wedding. She hadn’t even considered before that moment that they could just bring two witnesses, a flower brooch, and a white skirt suit for her. Act like grown-ups, not like they were in a silly kid’s fantasy. Pippa shook her head softly, looking away with a blush. She had made him wait for so long, she couldn’t make him wait again for just for a princess dress and beautiful breasts out of their medical bra. 

"Uh, you’re right… don’t worry, we can do this anytime now," she smiled. "Just don’t bring the priest to my hospital room, if I’m still drugged it won’t count as a real ‘yes.’"

"Well, we don’t want that. I want a real ‘I do’ from a Pippa of sound mind and body, who’s happy with lots of flowers and a fancy dress and whatever else her heart desires." He kissed her again and reached to turn out the light. "We’ll start planning it when you are feeling better." In the dark, he petted down her back, partly to comfort her partly to soothe himself. "I love you, Pippa, and I’m so proud of how brave you are." 

"Love you too," she whispered against his cheek before planting a kiss on his soft skin. "Thank you… thank you, really… good night, my prince."


	4. Chapter 4

Unexpectedly, Pippa managed to fall asleep quickly, exhausted by the emotions of the day, but when she woke up around five o’clock she turned over and over, unable to rest. Now she was too nervous, still tired but nervous. Bored, she admired Steve’s perfect face for a while, then pulled the sheet to uncover his sculpted chest, rising and falling as he continued to sleep. 

After half an hour, losing patience, Pippa decided there was nothing wrong in disturbing her soldier and swiftly straddled him. Despite the layers of clothes between them, it wouldn’t be a bad way to distract herself and give Steve one for the road.

"Hmm… shh let me do, don’t worry," she purred in his ear. Steve startled as she straddled him, but melted back into the pillow at her command. "Don’t wake up yet, relax and enjoy…" With sleepy eyes, he tried to have her silhouette go into focus. She rocked her hips against him, feeling her favorite little soldier immediately stand at attention.

"How am I supposed to stay asleep with there’s a bewitching enchantress on me making me think naughty things?" His voice was deep from still not being fully awake. He moved his hands up her thighs, under her gown, but she took them and put them back by his head. He gave little resistance to her arranging him. 

As he surrendered and let her hold his wrists, Pippa realized how despite his usual forwardness he belonged to her. Entirely. It was a dreamy sensation. She entwined their fingers and started rubbing her crotch on his. Now finally, as she observed his face, kissed and nibbled at his neck, lost in the heat and smell of his skin, Pippa finally forgot about the long day to come.

"S—sorry I’m such a succubus," she panted and her voice trembled. She held on to his wrists and moved faster, trying to wait for him as she felt her orgasm get closer and closer.

"I’m not," Steve moaned. He loved the sensation of her holding him down, of her dominating him. Each kiss she gave him thrilled him more. As she went faster, his hips writhing and moving in tandem, he softly whined. 

"Pippa, please… may I come?" He felt his cheeks color at the request. He was completely giving everything to her, a level of control he wanted her to have before the surgery left her temporarily weaker than she was used to. 

Her “yes” was lost among many others as she arched, gripping his hands, and struggled to stay close to his mouth. It was a strange sensation to control himself like this, keep his arms down and not hold her when he came. She felt more than she heard his moans against her tongue and lips, and the erratic moves of his hips were just what she needed to come undone.

She fell on him, her face against his neck and laughed breathlessly, touched by the way he immediately wrapped his arms around her as soon as she let go of his hands. "Thaaat’s my boy," she chuckled. "Oh I shouldn’t be so turned on when you talk like that."

"Was it wrong of me?" he panted, now indulging his desire to hold her close, his spine and legs relaxed. He buried his nose in her hair, loving the sweet smell of her shampoo and tried to ignore the worry growing in his stomach about her surgery today. 

"No, not wrong of you at all. I love when my agents follow commands!" Pippa teased as she nuzzled his throat. She didn’t even allow herself to think of how far she could go in dominating him because this minute marked the beginning of a too long a period of abstinence. She rolled away and fished baby wipes out of her drawer to clean herself, many people were going to see her naked after all.

"It was a very nice way to wake up,” he rumbled, his eyes still sleepy. He reached for her to come back to him. 

"Actually, I woke up some time ago," she confessed with a sheepish smile before sliding back into Steve’s arms. "I couldn’t sleep anymore. Sorry, it’s a bit early. It was either attacking you or getting up and working."

"I think you made the right choice, but let me just hug on you until the alarm goes off." He spooned her and lazily kissed the back of her neck, cherishing the last moments they could have like this for awhile. 

When the alarm went off, Pippa jumped up ready to go. Steve went to take a quick shower and get ready for his day of waiting. He had decided to forgo breakfast as an act of solidarity since she couldn’t have anything, and in silence pulled his clothes from the dresser.

Pippa checked her things one last time before she got dressed. She put on a tight dress then picked a larger one, just in case she would have to wear it again during her stay after the surgery. It probably wouldn’t fit anymore after everything was done. 

She was going to tell Steve he didn’t have to skip breakfast for her but she knew it was useless. Who can tell Steve Rogers not to sacrifice himself for others? Just before she opened the door, feeling strange, like in a dream, unable to realize it was happening, it was the right moment, Pippa turned towards Steve and placed a hand on his stomach.

"Can you promise me you won’t worry too much when I’m in surgery? This hospital is good, if they fixed my heart they can place a couple of implants under my skin."

"I’ll worry just the right amount then," he joked, covering up his fear. Mistakenly, he had researched everything he could about the procedure on his phone after she had fallen asleep, including all the things that could go wrong. The cab he had ordered was waiting for them, and they made their way to the S.H.I.E.L.D. hospital. The skies were overcast and the streets wet, but it had at least stopped raining. 

He held her hand in the car, slightly sad that she, as instructed by the doctors, had not worn any jewelry including her ring. He tried to be positive and light. 

"So what do you look forward to more? All the new clothes you’ll _have_ to buy or all the new clothes you’ll _get_ to buy?” 

"I don’t really know," Pippa smiled nervously. "To be honest I don’t even know what to expect. I’ll probably hang out in your t-shirts for a few days until it doesn’t hurt. But I will need new shoes, every occasion is a good one for new shoes." Just before they got out of the car she kissed him one last time and then headed towards the front desk where a nurse handed her a couple of pages to review.

"If you could check the information in your file, see if everything is correct? It seems your insurance finally updated your name, it was about time they realized!" the woman said with a kind smile. Pippa read the pre-filled form then signed before they were led to her private room.

In every corridor, they could see the hospital was a very special one. One full aisle was reserved for the highly contagious patients and some doors were locked like governmental laboratories. The nurses had two kinds of badges and there was decontamination showers that could be easily activated everywhere. Pippa saw in the elevators the plan of the building but no trace of Sub Level 27, where she had spent a few weeks recovering after the Battle of New York. 

"Well," she sighed as Steve placed her bag on the bed. "It’s not too bad! Miss, do you think you could find another bed for my fiancé? Maybe a camp bed?" The nurse nodded and left after giving Pippa the gown she was supposed to put on.

Steve was fascinated by how nice hospitals were now. The one time he had to stay in one as a child, they had been sparse and impersonal. This recovery room was painted in warm colors, had a private bath, a TV, and even a large leather recliner to sit in. It was more like a hotel room than an infirmary. The high tech monitors and IV stand the only signs that they were still in a hospital.

It seemed like just a blink of an eye and then a nurse and two orderlies were there to take her away. She got on to the wheeled bed, and everything was suddenly very real for Steve. He took her hand and kissed her cheek. 

"I love you. Be safe. Please come back to me, Sweetheart." It was the line he always told her before a dangerous mission, but this time he couldn’t be back up. If something went wrong, he couldn’t swoop in to rescue her. Being Captain America gave him no advantage when all he could do is sit and wait. 

"I will," Pippa promised with a wink. As the bed moved away in the corridor she looked back at Steve and his miserable pout, like an abandoned puppy in the rain. She wasn’t worried about the surgery itself, she always felt indestructible, but was afraid the result wouldn’t be as satisfying as she hoped. _Look at you, he’s all worried for your health and you only care about your beauty!_

While she was led to the operating room, they gave her a sedative in her line to help her relax, and once everyone was in place, the anesthesiologist placed a mask on Pippa’s face.

"It’s a pleasure to see you, you look much better than the last time you were on our table," he joked. "Now I’m gonna ask you to count backwards from 10 to 1." Pippa frowned. 

“What if I’m not asleep at one?”

"This is my job, Agent. I won’t let that happen. Let’s start." the doctor replied with a soft laugh. Pippa didn’t even reach five, but didn’t she realize it either.

\--

Steve unpacked their bags into the small wardrobe and pulled out the book he had brought to read. Every 15 minutes or so, he would look up at the clock, amazed that time was dragging along. After the first hour, the nurse came back to the room with a pillow and blanket. 

"I’m sorry Captain, we don’t seem to have a cot."

"That’s fine, I think I could manage on this chair pretty well." Steve smiled and took the offered bedding. "Where do spouses usually stay?" She gave him a look like he was an adorable idiot. 

"Agents aren’t usually married, and the rare occasions they are, their spouses don’t know the truth about their jobs. I don’t think we’ve ever had a spouse stay overnight."

Steve put the items away in the wardrobe and thanked her for her time. He sat back down to his book, but couldn’t concentrate. When he thought of it, he didn’t know anyone who was married at work. It had just seemed like maybe all of them had been too young or just didn’t wear their rings because of the nature of their jobs. 

He suddenly felt jumpy, and realizing he still had two hours before Pippa would be back, he got up and decided to do a little exploring.


	5. Chapter 5

There were soft whispers and rhythmic beeps all around her, but not much movement. Pippa blinked sleepily at a greenish light and analyzed the information slowly. This was a recovery room. 

"Nurse…?" A fuzzy silhouette approached, Pippa frowned, tried to focus. "Is it done?" The nurse checked Pippa’s vital signs as she spoke. 

“Yes, Agent. Everything went perfectly well, the doctors are satisfied with the procedure. Your heart didn’t show any sign of weakness. You’re in recovery room, we’ll take you back to your room in a moment.”

"Good…" Pippa whispered as if she were in charge. "Tell Rogers I’m okay. And Fury…" Her eyelids were heavy, her voice becoming weaker until she couldn’t finish the command. Pippa fell back into a dreamless sleep, more comforted than she would have thought to know she was healthy. 

\--

Two doctors had come by to talk with Steve, giving him an update and a packet of information about her post-operative recovery. 

"She did extremely well," the shorter one started. 

"We’re very pleased, but we are going to keep her at least overnight as planned due to her history with the extraterrestrial spear. If all looks well though, you may get to take her home tomorrow," Dr. Liu smiled.

"The important thing is that she rests, we don’t want a repeat of the last time she was here. Trying to get back to ‘normal’ too quickly, pushing beyond her limitations… we almost couldn’t beat that secondary infection she developed." 

Steve tried not to show that he hadn’t know about the complications from Loki’s attack, instead just nodding his head and trying to take it all in. 

"I will personally see to it, doctors. Thank you," Steve promised. They left right before Pippa was wheeled into the room. Steve could tell she was still loopy from the anesthetic, but trying to not let on. She surveyed the room like the great agent she was, but her eye movements weren’t as controlled as they usually were. 

"Hey Sweetheart, you did so well." He kissed her hand that didn’t have an IV line in it and then her cheek. With the nurses still setting up the monitors and other equipment in the room, he leaned in close to her ear to whisper, "You are so beautiful, and I think you’re going to be pleased with the results."

Pippa blinked sleepily. She looked down and winced as her head felt heavier, but all she could see was a couple of lumps under the sheet and her gown. She didn’t realize what it looked like, didn’t feel anything because of painkillers. “Yeah… I guess…”

Turning slightly towards Steve, Pippa tried to focus on the many things she wanted to tell him. The nurses left after ordering her to rest, not to get up yet and telling her the doctor would stop by in a few hours to check on her.

Pippa looked at Steve with a sad smile. “I… I’m sure you didn’t even eat…” She swallowed heavily, licked her dry lips. “I feel weak and tired… don’t feel like myself… don’t like it.” But her hand felt good in Steve’s larger paw, she felt safe; it was so good to know she had him, she wondered how she would have done if she had been single. Suddenly, all the emotions of the last few days came back at once.

"Remember the first time I said I loved you?" she mumbled. Her nose started to tingle, her eyes filled with tears. "It was nothing-- nothing compared to now. ‘M so happy you’re here with me… so happy… dunno what I’d do without you… ‘m not telling you often enough…"

"Oh, Sweetheart, they gave you the really good stuff.” Steve moved her hair back from her face and caressed her cheek. “Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. You tell me that you love me everyday, what more could I ask for?" 

Her eyes were drooping but then she would snap them back open. Steve noticed her small shiver, and fetched the blanket the nurse had brought for him, adding it to the one already on her. "Don’t fight it, Pippa. I’ll watch over you while you sleep. Just like you did for me, remember?" 

"Don’t have the same stupid smile that I had on my face," Pippa joked, eyes already closed. It was hard to resist. Just before she dozed off, she ordered Steve to get something to eat, worried for him. 

But when she woke up, the sun was setting behind the tall trees in the garden and Steve was still there, holding her hand, looking at her like she was a sleeping beauty and not an exhausted middle-age lady just out of surgery. Pippa cleared her throat. Her chest was hurting a bit more but she felt a little less tired. Her brain was able to focus again.

She held the side of the bed and pushed on her arm to try to sit but was stopped by an intense pain on her side. She bit her lower lip with a pained groan. “F—fuck… is there water somewhere?” she sighed, annoyed.

"None of that now, use this to sit up." Steve hit the button to adjust the bed and then placed the control in her hands. Pippa tried not to pout when Steve rearranged her in the bed. He reached near the small table by her bed, next to where he had placed the flowers he had bought for her and got a bottle of water, bringing a straw up to her lips."Here you go, are you hungry? They brought by some food for you but I got some bagels this morning, they aren’t quite like your favorite, but a pretty good facsimile. The nurse said you could have some if you felt like it." She drank half of the glass, immediately feeling better as fresh water soothed her throat.

"I am not too hungry yet," Pippa sighed. "But… okay give me a bagel, it will be much better." She took a few bites but quickly put it down, already full, just as Dr. Liu entered.

"Ms. Coulson! How do you feel?"

"I’ve been worse," Pippa replied bravely. "When am I getting out?"

The surgeon had a hard time hiding his irritation. “Agent, please. We have full authorization to sedate you if you cause us trouble like last time. Why don’t you just rest and enjoy this new step in your transition?” He shook his head softly. "Here’s what will happen. If everything goes according to the plan, tomorrow you can go home. We will remove your bandage in a week, then you will have to wear a medical bra for about three weeks so that your body can heal around your implants. Your breasts will need this support for a month in order to get their definitive shape and reduce swelling. Do you read me, Agent?" Liu’s tone was warning and Pippa couldn’t contain an amused smile. 

“Doc, yes doc’!”

"During the healing process it would be better if you didn’t do any kind of extraneous physical activity. Do not lift anything heavy and in general don’t do anything that could make your pectoral muscles work too hard. Your body must find its shape, it’s better if you don’t influence it too much." Pippa nodded, she tried to be reasonable but to be under such restrictions annoyed her. She wasn’t sick, just a little tired!

"No heavy lifting, eh? I guess that includes most of our sexual activities?" she teased just to see the blush on Steve’s cheeks. Steve’s eyes bulged and he turned multiples shades of red as the doctor advised them on which positions were preferable during the recovery. 

"But I must emphasize your not doing anything too strenuous or intense. It’s really based on how Pippa feels, but you,” he pointed at her, “have to be honest. Trying too much too soon and you could do some serious damage." When it was just the two of them again, Steve was still slightly blushing and took a bite of the bagel she hadn’t finished.

"You’re more devilish when you aren’t feeling well. You didn’t need to ask him that.” 

"What? It’s important to know these things," Pippa replied cheekily. 

“Too bad I can’t take you across my knee and give you a spanking," Steve teased back. 

"No, but if I was standing with my hands against the wall, then…" Steve’s blush returned and she burst out laughing, taking his hands, shaking her head softly. “Who am I kidding? I’m so tired and these things kinda hurt…” 

Curious but scared of the outcome, Pippa pushed down the blanket and sheets, then slid the gown down her arms, the needle in her forearm preventing her from removing entirely. A tight bandage was covering from her shoulders to the bottom of her ribcage where remaining yellow traces of Betadine and some bruises were. Steve subtly hit the call button as she was occupied.

"I can’t believe there really is something that belongs to me underneath," she stated. "They look… big! Must be swollen…" She placed her hand on one of her new assets and removed it immediately with a gasp. "Aouch, okay… okay, no touching!"

"They will be for a while; it may take a few months for them to…" Steve cleared his throat, he had been staring intently at her chest, his imagination running wild. "… to settle."

"Did you need something?" A nurse looking pleasant and sweet asked as she entered the room.

"She’s admitted to being in pain; I was told to inform you if she would." Steve smiled, ignoring the glare Pippa was giving him. 

"OK, Agent, on a scale from one to ten, how much does it hurt? One being no pain at all, ten being excruciating." 

"I-am-fine," she grunted, softly slapping the back of Steve’s hand. Pippa rested her head against the pillow with a sigh. Everyone’s babying her, now that was really excruciating! "I just had surgery so this area hurts a bit, but it’s nothing. If the pain I had the last time I got stuck here was a ten then this is barely a three. Dr. Liu is more skilled than Loki if you want my opinion."

Looking up at the ceiling she thought about the situation. She didn’t want more painkillers to make her sleepy, she had already slept all day. Yet if she didn’t say anything the pain would probably keep her up at night. And while she would be asleep, at least, she wouldn’t feel like she was waiting. Just like a kid on Christmas Eve, the sooner she would sleep, the sooner she would see the good surprises of tomorrow.

"Okay it’s a four, but I’ve had worse, and I don’t want to keep you busy if you have more important business to take care of," Pippa concluded in a diplomatic tone.

"It’s not a problem, Agent Coulson. You are my most important business tonight, and our goal is to keep you no more than a two." The nurse wrote a note on Pippa’s chart and then gave her two pills to swallow. "and I have my suspicions that your admitting a four means you actually around a six. I remember feeling about a seven when I had mine done." 

Steve almost snapped his neck trying to look away from the nurse arching her back to emphasize her declaration to Pippa. He felt like such a pervert when all his life he had never considered himself the kind of guy so preoccupied with chests before, and now when anyone just implied “breasts” (and it seemed they were now _saying_ it all the time), it was all he could think about. 

Pippa stared at the nurse’s chest then at Steve with a look of amazement meaning she would have never guessed. She tried to ask Steve, with a quick move of her head, if he could believe these were not natural but the soldier was already staring at the wall.

"So," he started when they were alone again. "… you had said you would be good and let us take care of you. Why do I have the feeling that the next few weeks are going to be a struggle?" He arranged his chair so that he was beside the bed, facing her. He sat, then leaned to the side so his head was resting on her thigh, and sighed when she started stroking his hair. 

"You deserve all the nice things, Pippa. You’re important and lovely and deserve the time and attention people want to give you. The hospital thinks of you as a superhero from the time with Loki, how you recovered.

Pippa’s hand stopped stroking when Steve spoke and she let out a soft sigh. “Here you are, idealizing me again… I am not a superhero, I’m the lady in black who takes care of stuff in the dark. They are just excited because my revival was kinda spectacular.”

"All the ones I talked to today are honored to have the frustration of trying to care for you." His heart ached at not being able to snuggle up next to her, his body desperate for one of their usual sleeping positions. "Just like I am."

“What do you mean ‘frustration’?” She was genuinely surprised. “I haven’t done anything, I am calm. I didn’t rip out my IV, and I didn’t even get up! Hell, I haven’t checked my emails for more than twelve hours, and I agreed for a full month of rest. I couldn’t be in a more vegetative state.” He chuckled and kissed the inside of her wrist. 

Pippa used the controller to change the bed settings and sit straighter. "Now, one month… that’s gonna be too long. What will I do? I can’t do anything too adventurous… How about we take Lola and go on a road trip, the old fashioned kind you know? Road 66, dirty motels, and greasy diners? We could stop at all the Six Flags, they have the best roller coasters. Oh! You know what could be fun? Spearfishing! I’ve always wanted to try it, hunting your own fish for dinner!"

"Dirty motels?! Roller coasters!? _Spearfishing!?!_ ” Steve’s head popped up to look her straight in the eye. ”Your month of rest sounds like a lost Hemingway novel. Why not add bullfighting and getting drunk in Parisian bars?” Steve had been holding her hand and now subconsciously rested his other arm on her legs, as if he were trying to hold her back from going to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. "We aren’t traveling. You aren’t leaving Manhattan, not even to Jersey. You aren’t hunting anything that isn’t an online bargain.” 

“Pippa’s eyebrows lifted in a funny expression as she wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think you realize how much money I can spend online when I’m bored… you can order pretty much everything on the internet. Everything.”

"Well, you can just get a head start on your Christmas shopping or just buy to your heart’s content if it keeps you from trying to kayak across the Hudson. You’re convalescing, so that means lots of sleep, and not using your arms too much, and taking your medicine, and eating so you can gain your strength, and…" Steve’s eyes lit up. "Hey, Thanksgiving is in a couple of weeks, we should have people over for the day. We’ll eat and play games and watch the parade. That is, if you’re up for company by then.” 

She sighed, shook her head and her bangs swiped her forehead. “Thanksgiving, why not? Last year I had tikka massala in my office with Clint and Natasha, it was fun to be with good friends, but would you be okay with that? For people like us it’s never really joyful.” She blinked a few times and hid a yawn behind her hand.

"We’ll make this one joyful, we’ll have our friends there and pull out all the stops— mashed potatoes, Brussels sprouts, parsnips, yeast rolls, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, stuffing, a huge turkey, cranberry sauce, gravy, five kinds of pies…" Steve’s stomach rumbled, and he realized he should have had more than just the one bagel and coffee that afternoon. 

He noticed the pills starting to work, the tension leave her shoulders, and her face became more relaxed. He held his breath for a few seconds and then leaned in to kiss her. Pippa’s beauty shone through, without her makeup or clothes, she still took his breath away. 

"Our first Thanksgiving together, and we have so much to be thankful for." he whispered. 

"I’m only thankful for you," Pippa mumbled with a small smile, eyes already closed. She felt his lips linger against hers, soft and always shy. It was wonderful to have his smell so close, it made the typical scent of the hospital more bearable. Pippa wanted to tell him how happy she was that he was here with her, her best support. She wanted to tell him how she loved him, but she could only squeeze his hands and start dreaming about snuggles on the couch and hot chocolate.


	6. Chapter 6

During the first hours of the night, Pippa slept rather peacefully, but as morning approached and her medication’s effect faded, she started to groan every time she moved. Steve had fallen asleep sitting in the chair with his head resting on her bed, and his neck was slightly stiff. Hearing her, he had stirred him from his light sleep. 

She woke up with a yelp when she tried to roll over with a sharp pain both her chest and arm. Still half-asleep she felt a hand on her shoulder and grabbed it tightly before recognizing Steve.

"Oh! Sorry Darling…. got scared. What time is it? I just got to bed!" she said in a hoarse low voice.

"It’s alright." Steve shook out his slightly crushed hand and kissed her cheek. "It’s almost six. You can sleep more; it’s ok. We don’t have any meetings or debriefings today." He saw her shift awkwardly, and then it dawned on him. "But, we shouldn’t stray too far from our routine, you get first use of the bathroom." He moved his chair out of the path and offered a hand for her to get up. 

It took Pippa a moment to fully wake up, one part of her desperately wanted to go back to sleep and she only realized now how the last months had been tiring. With Steve by her side she always felt like everything was good, but handling the Avengers, her regular team, and the trainees all at once was starting to be too much. Nonetheless, she took Steve’s hand and got up, not wanting to show she was spent. She wanted to go home as soon as possible.

In the bathroom she let out a loud sigh when she caught her reflection in the mirror. “Oh God! How can you kiss this face?” He just rolled his eyes at her and gave her a kiss on her cheek as she pushed him towards the door. 

“I’m good, I have the pole if I need support and no, I don’t need you to supervise my morning pee, Steve.”

He patiently waited right by the door, ready to swoop in if needed, but jumped a little when the nurse came in to take Pippa’s morning vitals. When Pippa opened the door to come back out; he put his arms up in surrender at the glare she gave him with tired eyes.

"I didn’t call her in, she came in of her own volition!" he defended. "I’ve just been waiting to… uh, freshen up." He stepped in the bathroom and even with the door closed and the sink running, he could hear the nurse ask the usual set of questions. “How are you feeling this morning? What’s your pain level?”

As he washed his face, he marveled how his eyes didn’t reflect the exhaustion he felt. Two nights of not sleeping well, a whole day of worrying without being able to do anything, and the fear of post-surgery infections and complications still weighing down on him.

He gave himself a muffled pep talk as he brushed his teeth. “You just control what you can. Follow orders. Have her follow orders. Keep her occupied. Keep her entertained. Keep her safe.”  
Quickly combing his hair, he finished and walked out to see Pippa begrudgingly taking some pills that looked different from the ones she had the night before. 

Pippa couldn’t contain a grin when the nurse told her she could leave by the end of the morning, after the doctor checked her skin and wrap her up in a clean bandage for the week. She almost didn’t lie about her pain this time and promised she would correctly take her medication at home.

After a healthy breakfast was brought to them, the nurse left and Pippa started to eat her muesli with gusto. She was happy to get back home soon, but the idea of first seeing her body without a bandage was terrifying. She had avoided looking below her neck in the bathroom, only splashing some water on her face. Her breasts would need some days or weeks to get their final appearance, and she was afraid to be disappointed. But now that it was done, it was done, right?

"So, Thanksgiving?" she asked to lighten her mood. "I feel it’s going to be hard to gather the whole team, they will all refuse if I ask them to participate in some team building activity."

"Maybe we could bill it more as a ‘come by and see Pippa’ type of thing. How could they even think of refusing to come see you? Or… you could be a bit more… manipulative. " Steve grinned as he finished peeling an orange for her to eat.

"Me, manipulative? I have no idea of what you’re talking about!" Pippa lied with her most innocent smile before taking the orange quarter Steve gave her. She didn’t wait until they were done eating to invite Steve onto the bed with her. They wiggled and shifted, trying for a few minutes to find a comfortable position. Eventually, Steve sat against the pillows and Pippa could finally snuggle against his side, not close enough but still able to rest her head on his shoulder and feel at home between his arms. Both feel back asleep for a few hours until Dr. Liu came in to give his last instructions.

"Frankly, I am surprised the staff found you in your room this morning," the practician joked. "We expected you to be more difficult."

"Don’t worry, the Sentinel of Liberty was here to make sure I didn’t escape," Pippa replied as the line was removed from her forearm. She sat up while Steve moved away from the bed and let Liu help her roll the hospital gown down to around her hips.

"Good. I’m gonna remove this bandage," Liu indicated as he began to slowly unwrap the tight gauze cocoon. "We’ll check the stitches aren’t infected and… let me see… the bruises haven’t spread, this is quite good."

Pippa kept her arms as high as she could to help him (which really wasn’t that far), but she couldn’t bring herself to look down. She _could_ look, she was allowed to take a peek after all. No, it was better to wait until they would look better, right now she could be disappointed. The doctor’s hands applying cream on her sides made her wince.

Just as Liu prepared the new bandage, Pippa figured it was her last chance to get a look at her new body for one full week. Heart pounding in her chest, she finally found the courage to lower her gaze. Her purple and yellowish skin made her look like a “Walking Dead” extra, but they were there-- pear shaped, under her own skin, a part of her. Not too bad indeed. No, much better than she expected. She gave Steve a shy look to see if he was watching, worried about his reaction.

Their eyes met and Steve smiled. He still wasn’t really comfortable seeing her so bruised, even when it was something she wanted. However, he could imagine a bit how her body would look when it was healed more, and he gave the slightest of head nods in approval.

Pippa let out a soft sigh, unaware she was holding her breath, and let the pleasure of knowing everything was okay, she wasn’t disfigured, sink in. The peaceful feeling didn’t last long however, as the doctor started to wrap the elastic roll around her chest, making her wince in pain. She muffled a gasp on the back of her hand, losing her breath every time Liu tugged on the bandage.

"I’m sorry," he sincerely apologized as he stuck the end. "It really needs to be tight."

"It’s okay, I think I now know what ladies in cinching corsets felt like ," Pippa assured breathlessly. "So… next week?"

"Absolutely. You just drop by, we make sure everything is alright then give you a medical bra. For now, you’re free to go."

Pippa shook his hand with a grateful smile. “Thank for everything, Doc, really.” As soon as he was gone, Pippa put on her largest flowery blouse and a denim skirt hurriedly, as if someone could come back and tell her she had to stay more. The buttons of the top strained against her new chest. 

“Okay, I’m gonna get my file and prescription at the front desk, you get us a cab, and we’re outta here!” she ordered before giving Steve a quick peck. Steve saw the small wince in her face as she reached up to him. 

“I’ll come with you, there’s no rush.” He had to keep a firm hand on the small of her back to keep her from running down the hallway. When they finally got back to their apartment, Steve set up some pillows and Pippa’s favorite blanket on the couch. 

“Let’s get you into something more comfortable? And… if you want…" he pulled out a StarkPad from a desk drawer. "You can have some email time, if…" he pulled the tablet back and smiled as she reached her arms making grabby hands, "you honestly tell me your pain level and take your medicine." 

Pippa rubbed the bridge of her nose with a desperate sigh. He brought his softest button down pajama shirt, and she accepted his help to get changed, yawning during the process.

"Hmng meds make me so sleepy!" she moaned, convinced that it could only be because of her treatment. She sat on the couch, let Steve smother her under the blanket, and slightly pouted. "I am in pain, about a five yes, but that’s only because I moved a lot in the taxi and when you carried me up the stairs," she analyzed, still silently begging for her tablet. 

As Steve approached with a glass of water and a couple of pills, Pippa declared, "And if I’m gonna be treated like a sick princess I might even act like one. Can I ask for your wonderful home-made salmon and spinach lasagna for lunch? Pleaaaaase?"

"Of course, Sweetheart!" Steve gave her the tablet and a soft kiss on the lips after she took the pills. As he chopped vegetables and prepared the meal, he kept looking over to her happily reading over messages and news articles, occasionally typing something-- although being much slower than he had seen before. For the short amount of time the food needed to actually bake, he went back to sit next to her, putting her legs on his lap, and began to massage from her feet up. 

_Atelectasis that progresses to pneumonia is a probability as are infections caused by methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. Blood clots develop in the legs but can move to the lungs and cause a fatal pulmonary embolism. The first warning sign for all of these is pain._ All the information he had found on the internet, the list of all that could go wrong kept playing in Steve’s mind and he kneaded the strong muscles of her calves and thighs. 

"Pippa?" he started, and she looked up at him over the tablet. "I love you very much. You… you are very important to me." Pippa was almost dozing off when he talked to her and she quickly focused, setting the tablet away.

"Hm…? I know that." She reach for him, placing a hand on his shoulder and her cheek against his strong biceps. He suddenly seemed too serious. "You are very important to me too. What is it?" she teased, brushing her fingers on his jaw. "My big hero spent the day worrying yesterday, right? It’s okay, it’s done… everything’s fine now."

"Everything’s fine now," he repeated back softly, then cleared his throat. This had been the first time he had truly thought about her dying and had the realization that unless he died in battle, she would be going first. The curse of his longevity striking again, leaving him by himself. 

He had this look Pippa only saw sometimes, when he thought he was alone, when he paused during a drawing or looked out the window, lost in his thoughts. A look that reminded her he was much older than she; he had seen things she couldn’t imagine. 

Pushing his fears down, he smiled and used his very official Captain America voice. "Just remember, there’s no martyr of pain award; this time is for you to rest and take it easy. You tell me when you hurt; no suffering in silence, and you sleep when you’re tired; the clock be damned." At that moment the timer went off and he went back to the kitchen to plate the lunch. 

Bringing her some Gaterade and bread along with the lasagna to the table, he tried to shake the bit of melancholia that had taken his spirit. He paid rapt attention as she told him about articles she had just read and laughed a little easier when she started telling Steve about Natasha and Thor’s reports from their surveillance in a kindergarten the previous week. (The assassin wrote about “nosy underaged civilians” when her godly colleague mentioned “joyful and brave infants.”) She was only halfway through her plate when her appetite faded and she found herself unable to go on.

"I— I am so sorry," she breathed, suppressing a yawn. "I made you cook all of this, and now I’m not hungry anymore." She shook her head with a sorry pout. "Forgive me, I’m so tired, but I really wanted to eat it! It must be those damn pills, y’know… I’m exhausted. Let’s keep the leftovers for dinner, I’m sure it will be as good, if not better!" She rubbed her eyes and shivered, her fatigue making her more sensitive to the early November cold.

"You ate a good amount," he encouraged and pulled out her chair to help her get up. "I think it’s time for a nap." He carefully picked her up, despite her weak protesting, and carried her to their bed. After arranging the pillows and blankets, he saw she was still shivering.

Without a second thought to the food, he slipped out of his shoes and slacks and climbed in beside her. Ever mindful of her injuries, he rested his arm around her waist and entwined their legs together. Kissing her neck, he settled in as much as he could. 

"So, we’re going to nap until you feel like getting up and I’ll keep you warm." He watched her sleep as the cold drizzle of rain outside continued to mist the windows of their room.


	7. Chapter 7

This first week was spent cocooning and despite what she had originally thought, Pippa wasn’t so unhappy to do strictly nothing but be pampered by her lover. However, she still was frustrated to watch Steve working out alone, and to take only half baths to protect the restrictive bandage, and most upsetting-- to remain so fatigued after days of rest. She slept less as the week went on, but still had to take long naps in the afternoon and did long nights like she hadn’t in years. 

"Everything is perfectly fine," Dr. Liu assured as he handed her the results of her exam. "There’s no sign of complication or infection; we’re going to remove your bandage, apply some balm, and make sure the implants are still in place." Pippa hesitated, held Steve’s hand tightly, but let out a pained groan when the doctor started to peel the bandage off her bruised skin.

Steve had jumped at every cough and sigh she had made the past week, but the doctor’s assurance that things were fine helped his fears. His plan was working, keeping her relaxed and encouraging her rest had got them through their first week, there was no need to change anything.

As Dr. Liu brought a mirror for her to see the results, Steve managed a quick peek and saw how much the bruising had gone down.

“Now you’ll need to start doing massages to help the skin and muscles to relax... ” the doctor instructed. Pippa brushed her fingers on the still swollen skin of her side. It hurt less, but still didn’t feel right. Liu gave her what looked like a sports bra but felt like an even tighter corset to hold her breasts in place and Pippa reasoned that maybe the bandage wasn’t so bad after all.

"And for how long will I have to continue to take the meds?" she asked. "They’re making me so damn sleepy. I’m always tired, it’s annoying." Liu didn’t look up from the bra he was helping her to put on. “You need to finish the antibiotic out, and only take painkillers when you really are in pain. But except for the pills you take in the evening, they shouldn’t be making you drowsy. They can even be taken before driving.”

"But that doesn’t make sense at all, I’m tired. I haven’t slept so much since I was a kid!"

"I gave you these pills because I knew you wouldn’t like to be slowed down but it seems your body decided on itself. When was the last time you took a real vacation?" the practician replied before he removed his gloves. Pippa knitted her brow. 

“What do you mean? I wasn’t so sleepy before I took these pills…. and uh, I stopped working on weekends since things changed in my personal life.”

"I mean, Agent, that you are known for working too much, you were stabbed less than two years ago, you never take leave, and despite your overall good health, you’re not twenty years old anymore." Liu sighed, looking contrite. "Your body is catching up on all the rest you don’t give it."

"I— I… If I remember well, I never tell you how to do your job," Pippa declared in a cold tone. "You can understand why it wouldn’t be right of you to tell me how to do mine."

"Pippa," Steve started, "it’s ok, it’s not like there were things you needed to be doi—" he stopped when she glared at him. With a sigh, he clarified, "It’s ok to sleep while you’re recovering."

"I am not telling you how to do your job, agent, but how to be healthy," the doctor concluded, ignoring Pippa’s soft sigh of resignation. "Listen to your fiance, Agent; your body is trying to tell you what it needs." Liu made some notes in his chart then bid them a "Happy Turkey Day" before leaving. 

Steve with tight lips held her blouse out for her to put back on. Pippa gave Steve a suspicious glare. “Oh don’t you give me that look, like you of all people are able to rest when asked to!” she snapped at him and turned away to work the buttons. She took her purse, ignoring how the bra squeezed her chest and left the office, mumbling. “Am not old, and ‘m not weak…” The ride back into the city was quiet and tense; Steve unsure of what he should do, what he could do. 

"So, I was thinking of going to the market today, getting most of the stuff for the big dinner this week. Would you like to come with me or do you… " He was going to finish " _need a nap?_ ” but instead caught himself “want me just to pick you up anything special?” 

Pippa pushed a strand of hair behind her ear with a sad smile. She hated when Steve seemed worried to talk to her, she could be so moody sometimes. She wondered if she scared him, if Steve made up excuses for her temper just like she had done for Alan.

"Actually, that’s a good idea," she replied, taking his hand. "Drop me at home and go, you’ll know much better than I do what to get for the dinner. And hm, if you could get me some mini-donuts. And whatever you need to make your special omelettes, please?"

She kissed his cheek tenderly and promised to text him if she needed anything else. Once the elevator got her back to the apartment, she sat on the couch, her old Captain America blanket around her, and burst out crying, sad and furious to be so weak.

While Thor was excited for the offer to feast with his friends (and even offered to bring a large game bird for the meal), the couple was betting the others would not come so easily. Pippa had planned how to get them all there Thursday afternoon, but without their really knowing about it, Steve and Pippa would need to make all the other sides. Steve arrived home after a few hours of hitting three different stores to get all that they needed. 

Coming through the door, he saw that she was indeed asleep on the couch, napping like in his heart he had wanted her to do. He tried not to make too much noise as he put away what was needed for later, and then prepped the meat, eggs, and veggies so he could cook her a quick omelette when she woke up. 

When everything was set, he sat next to her, and worked on some drawings he wanted to give that Christmas to their friends. He had firmly decided not to wake her any time she had been sleeping since the surgery, even going so far as to turn off the alarm each morning before it would ring. After another half hour, the sun was setting, she started to stir, and he leaned in to kiss her cheek. 

“Sleeping beauty awakes! Is she ready for dinner now?” Pippa blinked, still sleepy, got up and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

“Cuddles first,” she mumbled but when she tried to hold on to his shoulders, she didn’t evaluate the space needed for her newly grown breasts and accidentally squeezed them against Steve’s broad chest. “Oh great… forgot they were on the way!” she grunted. 

"I.. I don’t mind." Steve sighed into her neck, slightly embarrassed how the feeling of her chest against him stirred his desire. Clingy despite her sleepy mood she followed Steve to the kitchen and stayed with him while he cooked.

“Sorry I slept again. Tomorrow I’ll go back to a healthier routine, I’m thinking fresh home made orange juice, a walk in the park, and I have to clean the place a bit.” He set the plate in front of her and kissed her temple. 

“We’ll see what you feel up to doing. Maybe a short walk if it isn’t too cold, and if you’re too tired for cleaning, I think I can take care of it. Don’t want you to try too much too soon.” Pippa contained a sigh, she didn’t want to snap at him again but she was starting to get weary of this protection 24/7. They ate in silence and for the first time in a week she finished her plate, picking a bit of Steve’s omelette, which cheered her up a little. 

"I think I’m gonna take good and loooong shower," Pippa predicted as she finished her yogurt. "Wanna come with me? After, we can watch a movie if you want? Perhaps go on with _Titanic_ until I fall asleep… again…?" Steve smiled, and nodded his head. 

“Yeah, Sweetheart, I would love to join you.” It had been awhile since they had showered together, and Steve wanted to keep an eye on her “How about I give you a head start and I’ll be there after I finish up with this?” He watched her make her way to the bathroom, and quickly cleaned up from their dinner and changed the sheets of their bed. When he joined in her in the steam filled room, he knocked softly on the shower door. 

"May I come in?"

She had already spent fifteen minutes under the warm stream, letting the water clear her mind and relax her body. When Steve joined her, she was covered in shampoo, looking like the cutest sheep with all the suds on her head.  
"Careful,” she bubbled, “I can’t use too hot of water, it still hurts a bit." She let him massage her head with shampoo, gently untangle her long strands with his fingers, then turned around and giggled at how fast Steve fell on his knees when she implied she would do the same for him. He rested his forehead on her thigh, arms wrapped around her legs as she scrubbed his hair, using her nails to gently scratch his scalp in the process.

"You know what? Finally being clean I already feel more alive!" she laughed. Steve kissed a trail to her hip and then tilted his head up to look at her. However, with the new additions he had to lean back on his heels to be able to see her face. 

"I like hearing you laugh." 

"Better than hearing me snore," Pippa smiled. She bent over to kiss the tip of his nose and bring some water to him to rinse his hair. She was wincing without really noticing as the stream hit her skin. "So I haven’t dared looking into the mirror yet," she asked worriedly. "Do they look… good?"

"The bruising has really gone down. They… look great." His hand moved up her torso, stopping just at her ribs. It felt so good just to be so near her again, he rose to his feet and kissed her while softly caressing her face. "You look great, Pippa. So beautiful."

"I don’t care if I’m beautiful as long as I’m good enough for you," Pippa grinned. She tiptoed to kiss him, wrapped her arms around his neck, and moved closer. She started running her hands on his chest, his sides, her desire growing as she got to touch what she had been deprived of for too long. “Missed you… missed this,” she purred and leaned in to kiss a nipple. Steve moaned, biting his lower lip. He stayed still for a moment before gently pulling her off.

“Pippa,” he slightly whined, “you’re gonna get me started.” He could feel the heat on his skin start to spread.

"Well, that’s the idea." Pippa insisted, trailing her nails on his back. "That is absolutely my intention." Her lashes fluttered and she brushed his lower stomach, wondering why he was babbling and why she wasn’t already on her knees.

He closed his eyes as she touched him, his body fighting with him mind. He swallowed and then looked at her again, but through his lust he saw her tired eyes, the faded bruises still present, the small looks of pain as the water touched her. 

"We…we shouldn’t… not until you’re… more yourself," he barely choked out. Pippa hesitated for a second, unsure of what to think. She knew he was doing it for her, she knew he was always all about her, her well-being, her comfort but she couldn’t help wondering if it was because she looked so terrible. She didn’t like to push Steve, he respected her will when she wasn’t in the mood, so she didn’t want to insist either in respect for him.

"I’m perfectly fine, you know," she said a little too coldly, trying to persuade herself. "I could handle you. You don’t have to make excuses." She pulled the door to leave the shower, but still not used to her new proportions, accidentally scraped the cold metal against her right breast. An intense pain spread around her nipple and with a yelp she immediately reached out to protect her hard-won breasts. "Ow, ow, ow… shit, that hurts!’ she whined as she tried to gasp for her breath. Any lingering feelings he had just to relent and give into his desires were smacked away the instant she cried out. 

"Pippa! Did you pull at the incision? Come over here to the light, let me look." He wrapped a towel around her hair and another her waist then sat her on the counter. With clinical, yet gentle, fingers, he removed the waterproof bandage from the small incision and inspected for any signs of damage. 

"Nothing bad." He looked up and misinterpreted the tears welling up in her eyes. "I know you don’t want to take them anymore, but I think you should have the really good pills tonight so you can sleep well." He opened the cabinet and bypassing the ibuprofen, got the bottle of hydrocodone. 

"You need to rest, Pippa," he partly implored, partly commanded. "I’ll help you with your hair and we’ll watch something until they start kicking in. _Titanic_ , right?” He present the pill to her with a glass of water. 

Her first thought was that she’d better take them to go to sleep quickly and ignore everything, but this unhealthy attitude scared her when she realized it meant escaping her problems through drugs. She closed Steve’s hand on the pill, shook her head.

"No, not these. I probably won’t need them anyway." She looked up, saw Steve’s disapproving look and sighed. "I’ll go for a natural option: herbal tea and some focused breathing will be fine. Pippa delicately lifted up her hurt breast and looked at the healing incision. No big damages indeed. 

She realized she had never touched them before, they felt different than her ex-girlfriends’ but not so much. And for the first time she saw them as they were, a part of her she had neglected for the last few days. She had hurt herself with the shower door, but hadn’t worried for a second that she might have damaged them. She hadn’t cared until this second because she didn’t know them. Too scared to embrace the change, she had ignored them on purpose, and now she saw how fragile and sensitive they could be. How she had to love them, even if they weren’t “natural.” This was her life now. She looked at Steve, her hand open. “Can you give me the almond oil, please, Darling? I think they could use some care…”

Steve kept his lips in a tight line when she refused the medicine. He put the pill back in its bottle and turned over the oil. He mumbled something about brewing the tea and sulked off. He tried to calm down, but he knew she was hurting more than she let on, that she was trying to put on a brave face for whatever reason, and she needed more than just some oil and herbs.

When he had been ill in his younger days, he would have given all he had just to have someone there who could take care of him, to have medicine that would take away the pain. And now Pippa was just turning her nose at it, fighting the doctor and him every chance she got, pushing herself too hard. 

Steve stood in front of the stove in just the pajama pants he had pulled on and tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for the water to boil. As the kettle finally whistled, Pippa made her entrance— dressed for bed with her hair brushed and braided. Steve pushed down his frustration that she had not let him help, and with a forced smile made her cup of tea. 

Too focused on her too small bra and how tight it felt around her chest, Pippa didn’t notice Steve’s irritation. She kissed him to thank him for the cup and in a few minutes they were settled in bed, Pippa was exhausted but she resisted the pull for a while to watch the movie. When Jack and Rose were intimate in the car, Pippa couldn’t help feeling a bit jealous. She missed her lover; she wanted his touch, his hands, or at least making out, even if her own gentle touch had already been unpleasant on the bruises. She managed to hold on for a few more moments, but too soon had to close her eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

For the rest of the week, Pippa continued to do more and more for herself, took shorter and less frequent naps, and still refused to take any more of the pain pills. Steve had been pleased to see her mood improve, but each sigh or soft moan she let slip, each wince, each time he saw her eyes starting to water, he cataloged in his mind. He kept a close eye on her whenever he could and wasn’t going to allow her to hurt herself because she was so accustomed to going a hundred miles an hour. 

She had tried a few times to initiate sex, but Steve would think about the sound she had made in the shower, the numbers he was keeping in his head, how fragile she was— and then refuse to go beyond light kissing, terrified of hurting her. 

Thanksgiving morning, he tried to ignore all of that as he peeled and cut potatoes while watching the Macy’s Parade on TV. Thor was coming over around 12:30, with the others hopefully to follow soon after. Pippa was there with him, reading the paper and drinking her second cup, having insisted that morning that she was going to start having coffee again. 

"So do you think ten pounds of potatoes are enough? There’ll be nine or ten of us, right?”

"A pound of potatoes a person? Yeah, I think that’ll be more than enough, Darling,” Pippa chuckled. I should start calling them now, tell them to come when they can. I really hope they don’t realized it’s a trap, or you and I will be eating potatoes for a very long time.”

Pippa cleaned her cup and looked at the dishes and piles of vegetables on the counter. “I’ll help you when I’m done with them okay?” Steve just nodded with a smile as she went to their bedroom. Then immediately he was panicking trying to think of something she could help with. He didn’t want her exerting too much energy and tire herself out before their friends got there, and everything seemed so taxing, moving heavy pans of food in and out of the oven and off the stove.

She quickly got dressed, checked four times that her horrid bra wasn’t noticeable under the tight sweater and put some makeup on to be ready for the long day. She was tired of this situation, she tried not to be too angry or frustrated, but having nothing to do, doing nothing, and dealing with their very first long period alone together at home was challenging. With a calming breath, she started dialing. 

"Natasha? We have a problem here, do you think you and Clint can stop by? Yeah, Alan came back and it’s kinda serious. I’m working on calming Steve down, meet us at our place around 1300? Yeah, thanks."

"Bruce? Oh, I’m so glad you answered your phone! Listen, Steve needs to talk with a doctor. No, it’s a bit embarrassing for him and he’d rather not tell S.H.I.E.L.D. and with your research on the serum I think you would understand a bit better. Can you come by our place around one o’clock this afternoon? Oh wonderful, it’ll be such a help!”

"Stark, yeah it’s Coulson. I need your help, my StarkPad is acting really weird, and I can’t tell if I have a security breach. It would be really nice if… actually, a couple of hours would work better for me, too. Around One o’clock? I’m sure Steve will be glad to see you, too." She smiled feeling rather pleased with herself in her deception, but that faded when she rejoined Steve in the kitchen and he presented a pile of cloth napkins to her. 

"Do you think you can do some of your fancy folds?" he asked. 

Pippa bit her lower lip not to say anything but couldn’t contain a loud sigh of despair. Fancy folds? One month ago she was standing in front of a nuclear missile ready to explode, and now she was limited to folding napkins and rearranging cute little pillows on the couch. She discreetly made a face behind Steve’s back and started her task, smiling on the outside but fuming like a scolded kid on the inside.

As Steve was done peeling, cutting, and putting the potatoes in three large stock pots of cold water, he lifted them all to take to the stove. Distracted by how nice her sweater looked as it hugged her new curves, he almost lost his balance and Pippa, seeing him in trouble, moved to help him. 

“I got you!” She righted him, took the third pot from his hands, and with a slight grunt placed it up on the stove. Steve’s eyes bulged, and he almost dropped the two pots still in his hands. 

"Damn it Pippa, you can’t do that!" He quickly put down what he was carrying and reached to make sure she hadn’t hurt herself. Pippa had perhaps took the heavy pot on purpose, expecting him to protest a bit, but to be told she couldn’t do that? That was more than she could stand. She deftly maneuvered away from his reach, batting his arm away.

"What?! Don’t you dare tell me what I can and cannot do! But _you_ on the other hand, certainly can stop smothering me!”

"Smothering you?" Steve felt his patience snap. "You have left me no choice!! You would be off spear fishing and God knows what else. You act like you have to prove something; you have no sense of what your body can handle! I am the one here taking your condition seriously!"

"Taking it seriously?" Pippa repeated in an indignant tone, pointing at his chest. "Oh no, of course not, I never took this messed up situation seriously. It’s just been ruining my life since the day I was born!" She slapped one of the folded napkins off the counter. “Yes, I have things to prove, I always have.” Her voice broke, but she was too angry to stop. “Yes, I wish I had done it sooner, when I was younger and would have recovered faster but I… I couldn’t! Now I don’t have time to lose anymore!”

"Well you certainly are working really hard to shorten that time, aren’t you? I watched my mother work herself to the bone, ignoring the pain in her chest until she was coughing up blood while she scrubbed floors! It’s bad enough when you are out in the field, but this… I can’t step in and punch a blood clot when you get over your head!”

"I don’t _need_ you rescue me, Steve! I am not your good deed! You don’t have to protect me to make up for everyone you failed to save in the past!” Her hands shaking with anger she stormed out of the kitchen. “I can handle myself!” she screamed before slamming the bedroom door, tears in her eyes. 

Steve’s tunnel vision watched as she stormed out, his stomach churning with rage. His jaw was clenched so tightly his teeth hurt. He ripped his apron from his waist and threw it at the sink. Grabbing his keys, he flew out the front door. On the street, he felt the wind cut through his sweater as he started walking along all the closed shops and cafes. He was too angry to even care about the cold.

Pippa collapsed on the reading chair by their window and her heart missed a beat when the front door closed, meaning that Steve had left. She squeezed a pillow hard to her chest without even realizing she was hurting herself. In the eerie silence of the apartment, she focused on her anger and thought that at least now she would finally have some time without her unbearable chaperon.


	9. Chapter 9

After the twelfth block, Steve was finally able to start thinking beyond his anger and frustration. He kept walking while going over the fight in his head. How could Pippa not take her health as seriously as he did? He loved her so much, and she just thought she was some charity case? That it was feeding into some sort savior complex he…

"Ok, so I don’t want to lose her like I lost Mama or Dr. Erskine or Bucky. What is her problem with that? Why is that so terrible?" he muttered to himself. When he was with her, for the first time since waking up, he hadn’t ached for the past. He didn’t want to save her to feel better about himself, he wanted to save her because she deserved it. She had saved him first. 

He was happy to be in the 21st century. It was confusing sometimes, but with her it was great, not like when he was younger and so alone having to just wait until he was healthy enough to be out with his friends and… He stopped suddenly and slapped his forehead. 

"Damn it, Rogers," he cursed himself. He should have been more sympathetic with her frustration. Had he been blind to her actually feeling better because he was so concerned about losing her? He bit his lip and looked in a storefront window. 

“What the hell are you doing out here?” he asked his reflection. Without wasting another second, he turned and started running back to their home. 

\--

She didn’t need him, nor anyone. She had never needed anyone; she was strong and independent. What was his problem with that? If you have to wait for someone to come to your rescue, you’re just screwed. She had always been carefree, that was what made her a great agent. She wouldn’t have become who she was if she had been afraid of everything. 

This was what she had done in the army, and when she joined S.H.I.E.L.D.: she was ready to sacrifice herself anytime for a good cause. That wasn’t a flaw, why couldn’t he understand that?

Pippa looked at the floor through her tears. She had never wanted to protect something she didn’t like, particularly herself. It had been easy to run towards danger with the slight hope that circumstances would do what she didn’t dare to do herself-- put an end to the masquerade.

She didn’t need anyone, she didn’t want help even from her closest friends. She always maintained a comfortable distance. The sparkle of her ring caught her eye, and she suddenly remember everything this little jewel meant. How could she treat him like she treated anyone else? If he was good enough to take her to the altar, why wasn’t he good enough to take care of her? He knew what it was like to be sick and he had endured long days at home for her that were probably just as boring and frustrating for him as they had been for her. He had taken care of her health for nine months, and in return she had yelled all those terrible things at him.

For once, she had the perfect guy-- one who had stayed with her despite all of her flaws and her crazy schedule, who cared for her and cherished her, who actually loved her, and she had pushed him away. And now he was gone, and she didn’t know when he would come back, if he ever would. Pippa clung to the pillow as she started to sob so loudly she didn’t hear the front door open. 

"Pippa, Sweetheart, I’m so sorry," He called to her as soon as he was back in the apartment not even pausing to shut the door, but she wasn’t in the common room or the kitchen. He went to the bedroom door, and stopped, feeling like he couldn’t just barge in. He knocked softly at the door and started his apology before she could yell at him to get out. 

"Sweetheart, I’m sorry. You were right, I—- I have been overly cautious about your recovery. I— I …." he trailed off before he could admit to being scared of losing her. The door flew open and Pippa immediately jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and kissing him. 

"No, no, no… don’t apologize," she replied, tears still running down her face. "You are right Steve, you’re so right. I’m sorry I have been pushing to try to feel like my normal self again! Please forgive me… I’m such a spoiled brat! I—I promise I’ll let you take care of me and… and you can scold me because I jumped into your arms and that wasn’t very reasonable…"

"No, Pippa… I have no right to scold you. I haven’t been listening to you; I’ve been coddling you when you’re an adult and know yourself better than anyone else." He kissed the tears on her cheeks. "You aren’t a fragile porcelain doll, you are the strongest person I’ve ever known. I am so sorry, please forgive me. You are the best thing to ever happen to me and I promise I won’t doubt you when you say you are ready or tell you what you can and cannot do." 

He held her closer in his arms and kissed her passionately on the mouth, more urgent and harder than he had in weeks. It was just what Pippa needed to remember how strong he was, how devoted to her he would always be. Better than any bra, he was her best support.

"I know but it’s my fault, I should have been honest from the beginning and admitted I’m not invincible. I promise I’ll try to listen to my body, not to push it so hard." She kissed him again. "I’ve found this whole situation frustrating, but you’ve been so kind, so patient with me the last few weeks… you’re an angel!" She was kissing his lips again then both turned their heads at the banging at the front door.

“Steven? Pippa? We are here, my friends, and I’ve brought the bird for the feast!”

"No, no, no… not already!" Pippa sighed, resting her forehead against Steve’s. She kissed him hard before Steve let her go. "Can you welcome them? They don’t need to know I was just crying.” As he moved away, she held his face in her hands and kissed him one more time adding, "I love you. I love you, I love you!’

He silently cursed himself for inviting people over for the day. He wanted so badly to take her and make up for the weeks of timidity he had, but there was nothing to change the course now. Steve stole one last kiss, whispered his own “I love you,” and watched her go into the bathroom.

He was using his fingers to straighten his hair as he walked to the common room where an enthusiastic Thor and slightly chagrined Jane were already standing. Steve knitted his brows in confusion at the gigantic cooked bird in Thor’s arms and the covered dish in Jane’s. 

"Ummm, Pippa will be out in a bit, still getting ready…"

"Oh no! We’re really early aren’t we?" Jane asked.

"It’s ok, we were just running a bit behind today. Thor what is that??"

"Midgardian fowl are so tiny. The largest I could find at your markets were only twenty-five pounds! So, I went to Asgard and hunted this eighty pound one, then roasted it over a spit for days! Do you think it is enough? At our feasts, we would have at least five of these and boars, but Jane assured this would be enough."

"I wasn’t lying, Thor! It’ll be enough.” Jane then turned and smiled at Steve, “and I brought Papas con Chiles! They are like my favorite thing I had in New Mexico.” Steve chuckled and showed them to the kitchen where he had their help to get back on his schedule with the other side dishes. 

Pippa joined them quickly enough not to seem suspicious, a bit of foundation and fixed eyeliner were enough to hide the red rims of her eyes. When she welcomed them, Thor made a move to hug her, but remembering she was still convalescing, just placed his hand on her shoulder instead.

"Pippa, I must say I am really honored to be your guest for this celebration, and I hope Steven and you will accept an invitation in return. I would like to celebrate my birthday on Asgard with you and all our friends." 

"Why not?" Pippa nodded. "That would be nice, but you don’t owe us anything, this is our pleasure." She turned to Jane, and the young scientist shook her hand, but there was still between the two women a perceivable tension. They didn’t dislike each other, they both appreciated and respected each other’s work, but Jane still felt the frustration and anger S.H.I.E.L.D. had caused her when they had borrowed her work forcefully years ago. Both women smiled, each hoping that a few drinks would make things easier for the rest of the day.


	10. Chapter 10

Pippa was surprised by the doorbell, and barely had the opportunity to squeeze Steve’s hand in a tender gesture before opening the door. To her surprise Tony hadn’t come alone, and Pepper’s expression and casserole dish proof that they didn’t buy her lie at all. She started to greet them with a “Happy Thanksgiving!” but Tony opened wide shocked eyes, looking at her chest. 

"Heyyy! Careful, Agent, you’re gonna hurt someone with those!"

"Tony…" Pepper said in a warning tone, rolling her eyes.

"No, but really. I think they’re great. I’m practically a connoisseur of silicone enhancements. Your doctor did an amazing job. Did he go in through the—"

"STARK!" Steve yelled from the kitchen and marched towards them. "You better stop talking about my fiancee’s chest before she makes it so you have to eat your meal through a straw." He winked at Pippa and graciously took the dish from Pepper. 

"Roasted potatoes with rosemary, just like I had growing up! It’s not Thanksgiving without them," Pepper beamed. 

"They smell great, I’ll just put them over on the buffet here with Jane’s.” Steve rearranged the dishes to be able to add Pepper’s, but it wasn’t going to be enough as it turned out Tony had called everybody else to make sure they knew what was actually going on and goaded them into bringing something to share, too. However, he hadn’t been to be specific, so when all the group was finally there, they had in addition to Jane’s and Pepper’s potato dishes: Bruce’s smashed potatoes, Natasha’s Russian potato salad, a large bag of potato chips from Clint, and the ten pounds of Steve’s whipped potatoes. 

Steve started opening the wine and smiled at the scene before him: the women were all grouped together, setting the table and chatting. On the couch, Tony and Clint were arguing about watching the football game or the _Star Wars_ marathon while Bruce looked on in amusement. Thor came over and started helping with the bottles. 

"Thank you, Steven, for hosting such an event. It is wonderful for us all to be together outside of battle, to feast together like brethren."

"Yeah, it really is," Steve replied. Pepper took Pippa’s elbow and lead her to the kitchen, followed by her friends.

"So, Pippa! You’ll be back to work in about ten days, right?" She took out her phone and started to browse her schedule. "You and I have to set up a shopping spree, you definitely need new lingerie! Let me see. How about Thursday, 4:00 pm?" Pippa checked her phone with a laugh and nodded. 

“Yeah, that’s fine with me.” They started to chat about the day’s hot topic-- Pippa’s new curves, and even Natasha and Jane congratulated her, with much more subtlety than Tony of course. 

"For the moment I still have this medical bra, it’s killing me," Pippa complained as she gathered forks. "I can’t wait to be freed from it; it’s such a burden! But, I have to say I feel much better now than I did a few months ago. I feel closer than ever to my goal, when I’m finally perfect I will be able to say without any hesitation, ‘I’m a woman’ and I’ll look in the mirror and be completely satisfied with what I see." She paused as both her friends frowned at the same time, and raised a questioning eyebrow, surprised by their reaction. 

Jane took a breath but didn’t speak, Pepper seemed to search for the right words. “How can I say this, Pippa...” It was Natasha who spoke frankly after checking that their boys wouldn’t bother them. 

“What she means is that it’s never gonna happen.” Jane and Pepper nodded slowly. Pippa swallowed, a soft blush on her cheeks, unsure of what they meant. Did they think she would never be feminine enough? “You can’t wait for perfection to finally see yourself as a complete woman because you will never see that in the mirror. I just hope you realize that as a woman you’ve been given so many unrealistic ideals of beauty you will probably never feel perfect enough. There will always be something that you don’t like about you, it’s the same for all of us.”

"Yes, society teaches us to never be satisfied with our bodies," Jane added. "You can do everything you want, change all you can but don’t expect to get rid of every single one of your complexes because there isn’t a girl in the world, transgender or not, who loves 100% of what she sees in the mirror."

"But you don’t… you girls are perfect!" Pippa replied, hands on her hips.

“My neck, my forehead,” Pepper sighed. 

"My crooked smile, my chin," Jane enumerated.

"My nose, my squint," Natasha concluded. "You could be loved by the whole world you would still find something wrong with you."

"And in these cases, what do you do?" Pippa sighed, strangely relieved by her friend’s confessions. Pepper smiled. 

“Ice cream, new shoes, and looking at yourself through your man’s eyes are always a good pick me up!” They all laughed and then became quiet hearing shouts from the other room. Clint and Tony’s fight over the TV got louder and louder until Steve finally went over and just unplugged the set, causing both of them to whine at him. 

"Hey, we’re about to eat, it doesn’t need to be on anyway right now," Steve reasoned and people migrated towards the table without the distraction and sat. Steve cleared his throat.

"Before eating, I would like each of us to go around and each say one thing we are thankful for this year." Clint and Tony both groaned and rolled their eyes, but Steve shot them a look that made them stop. "It’s a tradition I had growing up, and I think it still a good one. I’ll go first." He took Pippa’s hand under the table and squeezed it gently. 

"I’m thankful for the good health of all my friends and especially of my girl," he said.

"I’m thankful for the advancements Tony’s made in clean energy, making the future a better place," Pepper said.

"I’m also thankful for the advancements I’ve made in clean energy, making me even more money," Tony smirked.

"I’m thankful for the grant I received to continue my research on the Bifrost," Jane said. 

"I’m thankful for Loki’s continuing rehabilitation, it may be going slowly, but I believe there is still hope," Thor beamed, blind to everyone’s disbelieving looks. 

"Well, even though I can’t be with Betty right now, I’m very grateful that I have friends to be with today," Bruce said softly. 

"I’m most grateful for something that’s classified, so move on," Natasha gave a stern look at Clint who stammered to start his answer. 

"Uh… well.. I guess I’m most grateful that with all the crazy shit we go through, we all still like each other. Oh! And my dog, and—-"

"It was supposed to be one thing, Clint," Tony corrected. 

"Well, maybe I’m making up for your lame ass—" 

"Ok," Steve sighed. "That’s enough, you two. Pippa?" While all of her friends had been talking, Pippa remembered all these years she had to celebrate Thanksgiving with her family. How they all asked Phil what he was grateful for, and how she never knew how to answer. But this time she didn’t even think about a reply; she simply sighed.

"I am grateful I survived long enough to live this year. it was my best so far," she replied absentmindedly. "The first year I can say I’m grateful for my private life, not just my career." Seeing that she had darkened the mood Pippa added with a smile, pointing at the end of the table, “And I’m grateful for all these potatoes!” The table erupted in laughter and any tension remaining evaporated away. Plates were filled, wine consumed, and conversation and laughter flowed easily during the meal. Steve was so happy to see Pippa smile and eat so well.


	11. Chapter 11

If he had thought it had been too much at first, Steve had to admit Thor’s bird was actually a good size for how much just the two blonds ate in addition to how many people were there. Pippa didn’t think she would actually eat that much, but it seemed like talking with their friends, getting to know them even better, and all the joking made her finally feel more alive than she had been in days. It felt like their strange little team was slowly becoming a weird little family.

As time went by, Pippa started to grow impatient. She loved this day; she loved to feel so good, but she hadn’t had the opportunity to really make it up to Steve after their fight and sometimes she remembered what she had said, how horrible it was. As Steve took the leftovers to the kitchen and started to get the desserts, Pippa joined him with their plates. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him tenderly.

"This is great. I think we had a good idea, everybody seems to be enjoying it," she smiled before kissing him again.

"Yes, I think it was a good idea; our first time to entertain and it’s quite the success." Seeing her act so much like her old self had helped Steve to view her new body as more than a liability of illness and complications. He bit his lip and nuzzled her neck, his cheeks reddening. 

“Is it bad that even after two weeks of just being with you, it only took two hours of being around everybody else to make me wish they’d all leave so we could be alone again?” Steve reached for the whipped cream he had made and put a dollop on her lip just so he would have the excuse to kiss her again. He held her close to him, hands sliding down to her fine rump when an annoyed throat clearing stopped him. 

"Don’t mind me, love birds… I was sent in to help bring out the pies as Thor getting impatient. Please uh… don’t be long with the others, people will think you’re… up to something…," Tony clarified. 

Pippa bit her lower lip not to laugh as Steve straightened, cheeks red, looking embarrassed to have been caught in such an indecent position. He never hid his love for her but had never done anything so intimate in public. Steve took three pies on his forearms, kissed her one last time and flew out of the kitchen. Tony grabbed the whipped cream to follow, but Pippa grabbed Tony’s arm to hold him back.

"Stark, I— I don’t mean to get sentimental or anything with Thanksgiving but when I started my transition I expected you to be… much more unpleasant to work with. I never really thanked you for not being a jerk to me."

Tony blinked, the compliment touching him more than he would have admitted, he remained confused for a few seconds but licked his lips and grinned to hide his emotion. “Well then thank you for not tazing me, Agent. To be honest, Pepper educated me a lot, but you’re not the first trans*lady to see me in a robe, you know.” He winked and Pippa shook her head, rolling her eyes. 

“I absolutely don’t have nor want the clearance level for that kind of information!”

The rest of the afternoon, half of the group watched the _Star Wars_ marathon, with Bruce, Jane, and Tony pointing out all the scientific inaccuracies, but also quoting every other line that came up as well. Pippa had brought out a tablet so Clint could at least follow the football scores and stop whining about being able to watch _The Empire Strikes Back_ anytime. 

The other half was at the table playing cards and grazing on the desserts and snacks Steve had left out. After some very competitive rounds of Up & Down the River, Natasha insisted on double checking Steve’s score keeping when Pippa was declared the winner. 

"Don’t look so indignant, Steve. You should always double check the validity of the numbers when the scorekeeper is romantically compromised by one or more of the players," she winked.

"One _or more_?” Steve questioned as the group laughed at his bewilderment. 

Finally, the sun was starting to set and their friends made their leave of the apartment, taking the containers of leftovers Steve had portioned out for everyone. Natasha and Clint were the last to leave, asking again and again if they needed any help with cleaning up. Steve assured them it would be fine, and Clint smiled at Pippal. 

"Thanks Boss," he said in a low voice, "This was the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had."

Pippa smiled. “Let’s all thank Steve. Along with punching Hitler, our Captain can also change a bunch of capricious toddlers into a real family.” Clint slightly colored and patted Steve on the back. 

“Thanks, Dad. See you at Christmas,” the archer joked before he and Natasha went for the stairs. Once they were gone Pippa snuggled with Steve on the couch, a plaid throw around her shoulders, searching for his warmth. She was so cold now, but didn’t want to bother him; she could handle it. Or, as she realized, she could also show him she could listen to her body.

"Stevie, would you mind turning up the thermostat? Or I can put on another sweater if you prefer," she said, already knowing his answer.

"Of course Sweetheart, I guess without all the bodies and oven not going it has cooled down a bit." He padded across to the hall, and returned once the heater clicked on, a large fleece blanket in his hand. "Do you want something to drink— some tea or a coffee?" he offered as he spread the blanket over her lap and legs. "Or your personal heater to just get under the blanket with you?"

"Hmmm yes, my personal heater will be enough, I’m so full! I can’t eat or drink, or even think about eating and drinking anymore," Pippa purred. She stretched and immediately found back her place next to Steve. She let him caress her hair tenderly for a while, relaxed after their long and difficult day, finally allowing herself to ease off the pressure of these last few weeks. 

"Steve, I am so sorry for what I said earlier, I didn’t mean it. I just don’t know when to admit things are my fault. But I love you; I love you so much, and you shouldn’t have to pay for my inability to solve all of my issues. You already do so much for me. Without you I don’t know where I’d be right now."

Probably not in a such a good shape, she would perhaps have ignored her doctor and gotten her surgery somewhere else, nine months ago. Perhaps even in another country. She wouldn’t have taken care of herself, at best her breasts would have been so roughly treated during her recovery they would have kept a horrible shape, or worse she could have destroyed her health with her stubbornness.

"It’s ok, you were right. I am worried about losing you, so I… I am overprotective. There are times, especially at work, when I picture locking you up in a castle like a princess to keep you safe, away from the monsters and aliens and the bigots. But you aren’t designed for cages; you run to danger like an old friend.” 

She nuzzled his throat in silence, slipped a hand under his clothes just to feel the warm skin of his stomach. More than sex, she mostly missed these gentle contacts, to feel his warmth, let her fingers wander in the soft peach fuzz under his belly button.

"The best we can do is to temper each oth—" Steve had to stop mid-sentence as Pippa’s touch was too soft and causing him to giggle. His broken voice and the way his shoulders shook made Pippa feel better than ever. They were finally coming back to their usual complicity. She kissed his jaw, entwined their fingers.

"You know, this year I’m really the most grateful for you. You literally changed my life, in a good way, you… you make me happy and want to be a better person. So yeah, I’m grateful I have you with me. You’re my hero…" She kissed his jaw and added, "You, Steve Rogers. Not Captain America." Steve couldn’t help but smile and blush at her words. Feeling possessive and clingy, he slipped his arm around her and pulled the two of them together. 

"And you, Pippa Coulson, are my everything." He kissed her softly on the lips and slightly moaned when she pressed her chest against him. Pippa frowned at his reaction, but she quickly put two and two together and stared at him, half shocked, half amused.

"Steve Rogers! I can’t believe it, you are impossible! You keep me waiting, and waiting and waiting, only to finally get in the mood when I have eaten so much I can’t move?" she exclaimed, a hand on her belly. "Well now is not a good time to shake me up, so I’m afraid you’ll have to do the waiting now."

"[If it takes forever, I will wait for you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZnfoqxPSDs)," he started to sing, silly and overly melodramatic. "For a thousand summers, I will wait for you…" He kissed at her neck, more of a playful tease than anything else, humming the song as he ghosted over her collarbone and tried to get her to crack a smile. "In your heart believe what in my heart I know.. that forevermore I will wait for you…"

"The clock will tick away the hours one by one. And then the time will come when all the waiting’s done…" Pippa replied like a promise without caring if her voice was a little too deep when she sang. "The time when you return and find me here and run straight to my waiting arms…" She snuggled closer and sighed happily as he kept kissing her.


	12. Chapter 12

The last week of her recovery, Pippa and Steve fell into a nice routine, both making efforts to please the other and remain reasonable. Every morning they went out for a walk in the park or to do some shopping; they sometimes ate out then came back home so that Pippa could rest. 

Her naps became shorter and shorter until she just leaned next to Steve and they remained there, silently looking into each other’s eyes with enamored smiles. They finally watched the end of _Titanic_ , they listened to some new music, Pippa tried on all the nail polishes she had never had time to even unpack, and she even tried to cook a bit. However, to her surprise cooking skills were not magically given with new breasts and Steve had to improvise her burnt veggie casserole into a delicious soup.

But they didn’t fight, more in love than ever, and Pippa was almost grateful that their argument had allowed them to talk about their issues. Eventually, they both agreed to wait before being intimate again because her medical bra continued to become more uncomfortable leaving her less than amorous. That was why she couldn’t contain a loud happy sigh when she got to finally remove it for the last time in Doctor Liu’s office. 

“Well, it’s really impressive,” the doctor said, checking her skin. “You healed very well, I don’t know if I should congratulate you or your fiancé for that…”

"That’s all Pippa, sir," Steve answered before she could say anything. "I was just support; she did all the work." As Pippa had continued to heal and become more comfortable with her new body, Steve had became more relaxed and happier. But when the doctor complimented her on her healing, he was especially proud of her as he knew how difficult her resting had been. 

"Well, I always knew you were a hard worker, Agent, and it shows. Now you aren’t done yet, you still need to do the massages so the tissue continues to soften, and you will see the swelling continuing to go down over the next six months. But you’re clear for duty again, although you may need to build up to the level you once were. With your weight training, start low and listen to what your body says, 15 minutes at the shooting range instead of your usual hour, that sort of thing. 

"We’ll do another follow up in about three months, but if you start experiencing unusual pain, warmth, or a fever, you need to be seen immediately. The chances of infection have dropped, but they are still there, and we can’t take a chance with your previous heart troubles. Do you have any questions for me?" Dr. Liu pulled back the paper top to cover Pippa’s exposed chest and then went to the sink to wash his hands. 

"No, and you don’t have to worry I promised a certain someone I would be wiser," Pippa assured as she put back on her undershirt then her sweater. Slightly superstitious she hadn’t bought new bras yet. "And I’d better be or I’m not gonna have the wedding I want," she added with a wink. "I’m gonna stick to paperwork for a few weeks; I will have a ton of reports to go through anyway so I’m gonna go back to work slowly." She shook his hand in front of the door. "Thank you for everything, doctor."

"My pleasure, Agent. You seem much more blooming than you were a few years ago."

"I know," Pippa sighed. "Despite what my first therapist said, I made the right choice. Speaking of which, I have a few appointments scheduled with Mrs. Cole, and I’ll call you back to talk… even though there probably won’t be much to discuss." Liu nodded, understanding.

In the streets Pippa held Steve’s arms, a large grin on her face. She felt good, freed from the painful bra. But her own reflection in a glass window surprised her, her new silhouette was definitely sexy! “Darling, when we’re home I would like to have a moment for myself. Just… you know, spend some time in the bathroom, try some clothes, take stock of the situation… it’s not against you, I just need to--”

"Actually, I have a bit of Christmas shopping to do… alone," he added with a bit of a grin. "But if you ever need alone time, Sweetheart, not just today, I understand." He took her home on his bike, and grabbed from his nightstand a list he had written a few days before. Kissing her once more, he left their apartment with a promise to be back in a few hours with dinner.

Once alone, Pippa turned the heat on to be sure she would be comfortable and went to their room. She slowly undressed in front of the large mirror until she was completely naked, literally and figuratively. She took her time to look at her whole body, then her breasts. They looked natural, “normal” if not a little firm, all bruises were gone and as the small scars were almost invisible, it was as if the surgery had never happened. She cupped them in her hands, fascinated, wondering if that was how the Little Mermaid felt when she discovered her legs for the first time. Under her thumbs her nipples reacted, making her giggle. She was smiling, feeling better than ever; they didn’t feel awkward, fake, alien or exaggerated, they felt just right.

Pippa quickly rearranged her hair on her shoulders and took a picture with her cellphone. She then leaned on the side of the bed where she could still check the mirror and slid her fingertips on the screen to juxtapose the photograph to another one, taken four years ago. Seeing the old picture she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. Not only did she have a hard time looking at pictures from her life when she wasn’t out, but the difference was so stunning she felt like crying.

In the first picture, she still had short hair, she hadn’t had all of her facial hair laser removed, a slim but muscular body with flat breasts, hips the same width as her waist. But most importantly she was standing there like a prisoner on the green mile, disgust in her eyes, about to cry-- and she remembered crying so hard that day, burdened with visible despair. In the one she had just taken, she had long hair, a smooth body, four extra pounds from the past month she knew she would lose once she got back to work again, wider hips and thighs and beautiful breasts. And her precious grin, her glimmering eyes, her pinup pose made her look blooming and a thousand times happier than she was before. She put on her favorite silk robe and sat on the couch to read the news on her laptop, waiting for Steve to come back. They needed to talk.

\---

Steve may have gone overboard, but this was going to be his first Christmas he had both money and people to spend it on. He balanced the packages, shopping bags, and dinner with one arm as he unlocked the door with the other.

"Hello, i’m baack," he called and put everything down on the table then removed his scarf and coat. "I got us some curries and salad from Maharaja’s; lots of that bread you like and…" He trailed off when he saw her on the couch. "Hey Sweetheart, is everything ok? " Pippa sat her laptop aside with a smile, happy to see him so satisfied with his shopping. 

“Much better now that you’re back with curry and naan, that’s all I needed!” She waited for him to join her on the couch, bit her lower lip, played with a strand of her hair, and kissed the cold tip of his nose, ready to chicken out. Seeing his worried face she didn’t want to bother him anymore. She entwined their fingers, tried to gather her strength for five minutes before she finally took the leap.

"Okay, I know you’re not really comfortable openly talking about some things, but I really need to have your opinion. I want to know about you, what you feel, I don’t want none of this ‘I only care about you,’ you won’t get away with a ‘Only your feelings matter,’ okay? I need you to be honest with me, 200% honest." She poked his chest with a serious look. "I want to know your feelings, don’t try to say what you think I want you to say just tell me. Honestly. Without even thinking about it, just be honest."

He knitted his brow a bit, but playfully answered, “Alright, I think I understand you want me to be _honest_ with you.” She took a deep breath, looking him in the eye. 

“Would you be more comfortable, would you feel better about us, about your sexuality if I had a vagina?” Steve immediately started fidgeting, his eyes wide, and his face was getting redder. 

"I-- I can’t..." Steve took a deep breath, trying to will his hands to stop shaking. "No, it wouldn’t make me feel better about my sexuality, I don’t have any issues with my sexuality. I am fine. I love you, and I will support you every day until I die, but I can’t… Why do you think I don’t feel good about us? "

Pippa covered her smile with the back of her hand, looking up to him, both amused and touched. "Steve… okay, let me explain. I’ve thought for years that getting a genital reassignment surgery was the ultimate goal for a girl like me, that it was some kind of holy grail. The end of the journey. That after that change everything would be okay, every problem solved.

"But I realized once I started my transition that it wasn’t all about that, hormones for example have done so much for me, you wouldn’t believe it. And now that I am where I am, well I’ve been thinking about it for a few months already, I’ve started to think that… perhaps that’s not such a good idea. 

“It wouldn’t change anything for anyone except you and me, so I’ve been asking myself, and now I’m asking you because you’re the only person in the world who has the right to talk about what’s in my panties and your opinion matters to me. Maybe do you want tranquility, the peace of mind to know that you have a girl just like any other, that what you do in bed is just like other guys do? Maybe you feel I’m incomplete?" Steve let out a sigh that sounded more like a chuckle, smiled, and shook his head slightly. Her explanation had eased his shocked nervousness. 

"But Pippa, we aren’t like other people. I don’t compare our lives to anyone else’s because how can I? Tony has more money than I do but drinks more. Clint is more fun than I am but hangs out in vents all the time…" He took her hands in his, moved closer to her, mere inches away. His eyes scanned over her face. 

"I love you, just as you are. Any comparison to other women isn’t fair to them. You? You are perfect to me. I asked you to marry me because _I_ feel incomplete without you. 

"You want me to be honest, 100% honest? I hated watching you be in pain. I would trade absolutely every last dime to my name, any skill I have, the serum, anything so you wouldn’t hurt again. You think you hide it well, and you do, but I can tell, and it kills me. I don’t want you to have to deal with the pain of the surgery on my account.” 

“I’ve already thought about all of that, too. I know that it would mean much more pain, and a longer recovery. Even after that, probably months before I get used to it and finally am able to feel as much pleasure as I feel now. Even if the doctors are skilled, I know there is still a small risk that I lose sensitivity.”

"What if…" Steve’s face was now a shade of red it had never reached before and he had to rest his forehead on her shoulder, unable to look her in the eyes as he whispered. "…what if they made you so tight I couldn’t fit well, and then sex with me would be painful and you hated it?" Pippa chuckled and embraced him, she kissed the top of his head and rocked him against her chest that didn’t hurt anymore. 

“The way I see it now, it’s more negatives than positives. I used to hate my body because of its history, but as I have come to term with the rest of it, I realized I’m not even too upset anymore about, herm… the jewels. I’m still not fond of them, but you’ve noticed how I can let you kiss and look at areas you couldn’t before. Nobody knows besides you and me. I don’t want to lose even a little of the pleasure you give me, and I have the feeling I don’t need anything else to drive you crazy anyway,” she teased as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Isn’t that the truth?" Steve tilted his head up to kiss her, his arms wrapped around her waist. He returned his head to rest on her chest and exhaled when the thought hit him.

"Pippa, I got you something today. It’s one of your Christmas gifts, and I just don’t think I can wait any longer for you to open it." He went to his coat and pulled out a small but long robin’s egg blue box from Tiffany’s. “The saleswoman said I wouldn’t have to wrap it more, that women like the blue box.”


	13. Chapter 13

Pippa let the information sink in as she opened the box. Unable to speak, she lifted the long strand of perfect salt-water pearls with her fingers, admiring their shiny texture. She let Steve put them around her neck and caressed the strand reaching the top of her breasts.

"They are… beautiful," she whispered, almost speechless. "Steve, this is insane! Why did you… they must have cost an arm and a leg!”

"Santa and I agreed you were a very good girl this year, and deserved something extra nice." He kissed the back of her neck as he closed the clasp, admiring how beautiful Pippa made the pearls. “I thought they were classy enough for your to wear to work, but also other places… like maybe for our wedding… that is— if you want, if they go with your dress,” he quickly clarified. 

“They’re perfect. This is a day to remember. I might be a bit sentimental, but it’s the end of a journey for me…” She looked at her ring. “… and the start of another. I thought we could perhaps keep a memory of it.” She untied the satin belt around her waist, stepped back, and let the robe fall to the ground, the white pearls being the only thing she had on. “Would you draw me? Like this?” she asked, sounding less confident than she had wished.

"You want to sit for me?" Her request caused his jaw to drop, and his mind started racing as he planned out what he would need. His face relaxed into a goofy grin as he pulled his drawing table around so it would face the couch and gathered his papers and good pencils. 

"Ok, ah… how about you sit as it may take a while and I don’t want you to get tired. Should I turn up the heat for you? It feels warm in here to me, but that just may be because of um… reasons. I’ll do a few sketches first then... uh… more detail. Do you need anything? Maybe we can do a few positions— I mean poses— and see which ones you like." He realized he was rambling and gently guided her into a classic pose on the couch, and then sat to start his work.

She thought about telling him that they could do a few poses, then a few positions but she knew his art was important to him, and she didn’t want to distract him too much. She watched as his eyes focused and he started to sketch with quick moves. His face was serious but she could see when his eyes lingered on her body, his soft occasional blush proving it wasn’t just an artist’s gaze.

"So, are we setting up for our apartment building to be hit by an iceberg and then sink into the ocean?" he joked, when they had been silent for too long, trying to get one of her real smiles to shine through. 

Pippa laughed but tried to keep her pose, not to move too much. Minutes went by and Pippa started to realize that this was it, now. She had everything she had always wanted. She felt good, she felt like she could walk with her chin up, have a valid and legal existence. Pepper, Jane, and Natasha had made her understand there would still be gloomy days but that they were normal. Just like hormones, she would have to live with it all her life and it didn’t seem too much for her right now.

Steve saw her relax into the position more, and he tried as hard as he could to be professional like he had been in art school. Tried to imagine that she was just another body, when that didn’t work, tried just focusing on the shadows and shapes that she was made of. However, when he was drawing the curve of her trim waist to the roundness if he hip and thigh, he couldn’t ignore the pressure in his pants any longer. He put his pencil down, walked to her and leaned in to kiss her on the lips and then worked his way down, gently worshiping her chest.

"You’re so beautiful, Pippa." He sighed, then licked and kissed her firm nipples. Pippa let out a content sigh, then a soft moan as Steve kissed her. They had been separated sometimes, they had even lived three months together while staying chaste but this time, being together, knowing what they could give each other and not being allowed to touch had been a torture. 

“I missed you so much,” she sighed. As Steve’s mouth, all soft skin and gentle moves, took care of her chest, Pippa had to bite her lower lip. “I know I will sound narcissistic,” she admitted with a throaty laugh, wrapping her legs around Steve’s waist. “But this is so sexy… you, and my breasts… oh, I shouldn’t be turned on by my own body…”

"Only a damned fool wouldn’t be turned on by your body," Steve countered. His desire was causing his breath to come out shorter and he looked up through his lashes to her face, his pupils dilated. He tucked one arm under her and easily rose to his feet, carrying her to their room and continued his gentle attack of kissing, licking, and sucking every part of her chest. He sat on the edge of the bed, Pippa still wrapped around him. 

She pulled his sweater and shirt off over his head, and when she pressed against him, he felt the pearls between them. The softness of her breasts such a contrast to his solid build that his mind was fuzzy and he touched her neck as she kissed him passionately, biting his lip. 

She could just moan against his mouth, eager to play with his tongue. She ran her hands on his solid bare chest, his skin already moist, grabbed his waist, scratched his back in desperate need of her man. As she licked down his throat, Pippa realized how she had missed his smell, his taste. She unzipped his pants, still nibbling at his neck. 

“There are too many layers between me and my fiancé, and I’m liable to rip them off if they stay there.” She and Steve sighed at the same time when she pulled his erection out of his briefs and she had to muffle a pleased moan against his shoulder, blushing. “I missed him, too,” she whimpered, desperate not to elaborate and say out loud that she had missed the feeling of his thick and hard cock against her palm. Her touch was electric, and Steve had to bite his lip hard to contain himself. He groped blindly at her ass, unwittingly pulling her closer to him still.

"Oh God, how I’ve missed you," he confessed, his voice already raw and desperate. "I want you; I’ve needed you so badly." His hips rocked up, sliding his cock in her hand. "My first 96 years was nothing compared to the past month of not being with you, especially with your new pinup silhouette. If you knew even half of the things I have imagined, you would never stop slapping me." He nibbled on her earlobe and tried to swallow back his own moans.

"Haha… you think you can scandalize me with your dirty thoughts, young man?" Pippa provoked, pushing him down on the mattress. She crawled over him, rubbing her whole body on him. He quickly got out of his slacks and boxers as she fished the lube in her drawer out before throwing it on the pillow for later. She laid back next to Steve so that they were on their sides, close enough to be able to grind against each other.

"Why don’t you try me? If they’re really naughty, I’ll only slap you a little," she promised in a low voice before giving a noisy but not too harsh spank on Steve’s bottom. "And you might actually love it."

"I know I would," he confessed with a devilish smile, and then licked his bottom lip. It had taken a few times and lots of encouragement from Pippa to get to the point where Steve could talk like this without stuttering or blushing too much.

"I, uh, I had this one dream where you are sucking me off with that sweet mouth of yours.” He barely touched her lips with the tips of his fingers as she pulled their hips closer together. “And it feels so good just like always, so warm and wet, and you do that thing with your tongue and take me so deep. I feel you moan around me.” He now touched her everywhere he could, wanting her even closer, rubbing his hard cock against her thigh.

"And when I am about to finish, you slide off and I," Steve’s nerves started to get the best of him, and he could only manage to whisper the end not being able to look her in the eye, "I come all over your chest, and it slides down your cleavage." Steve’s thrusts were causing her breasts to jiggle in tandem, and it was driving him wild.

"Oh really? You’d like that? Mark your territory?" she panted with a smirk. Pippa slid a hand behind his neck to pull him and kissed him hard; when she gave his ass a firm slap, she felt him moan in her mouth and jerk, his cock thrusting harder against her thigh. She loved that their relationship was good on every level, even this one, and that they both could talk about anything without feeling inappropriate.

“Can’t say I haven’t thought about it, too." She arched in his hands, shivered as he touched her breasts, his palms fit perfectly around her. “Anything else to confess? Or are you afraid it’s gonna make us finish before we even get started? It’d be such a pity, it’s been so long, I’m afraid the neighbors have forgotten your name,” she purred.

Steve had never thought about the possibility of others hearing them when they made love, and her words both embarrassed and thrilled him. He couldn’t wait any longer and reached for the bottle on the pillow. Then with warm, slick fingers started to prepare her. Steve wanted to revere and worship her, and he suckled her nipples trying to distract from any discomfort. After a few minutes of her sighs and breathy murmurs of his name, continued kisses and touches, he slicked himself and rolled the two of them so she was over him. 

"Please ride me. I don’t think I could control myself if I was setting the pace and…" he bit at his bottom lip, his concern about being too rough with her new body only a part of his wanting that position. "...I like to watch the way you jiggle." He cupped her breast again with this dry hand, still stroked himself with the other, and leaned up to kiss her again. 

"Like I’ll be any better at controlling myself," Pippa laughed as she straddled him. She placed her hands on his chest, unconsciously pressing her breasts together, and slowly moved her hips to find his hard member. Just his fingers had already brought her to the edge, and she took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"One. Fucking. Month," she moaned and slid onto him, eyes closed. "Madness… thirty-four days and twelve long hours! Can you believe it?" Her thighs were trembling with pleasure. She took Steve’s hand, kissed his palm and sucked two of his fingers without looking away from his flushed face. 

"Thirty-four days, _thirteen_ hours, and forty-two minutes," Steve corrected, panting. "We repeated an hour for daylight savings. Not that I’ve been counting or anything." He was trying so hard, but her movements, the look on her face, her teasing mouth pushed him over the edge suddenly and he bucked deep in her. Coming with a low whine, he held her still for about half a minute before starting to move her up and down again, slowly. 

"I would be more ashamed if your tight little ass didn’t keep me as hard as a board," he said low, and then encouraged her to set the pace again, to find the way that felt best for her. 

"We don’t have to go on like this if it’s difficult for you," Pippa panted against his lips.

"The only thing that is difficult is not coming again as fast as I did the first time," he replied back. 

“I love you my sweet pervert,” she provoked and started moving her hips at a slow pace, enjoying each of his super inches in her. She arched, rolled her hips and grabbed the headboard with one hand. With the other she placed one of his hands on her breasts, the other on her thigh and kept rocking on top of him, searching for her own pleasure.

Heart beating fast she ran her fingers in Steve’s soft hair. She panted, sighed and moaned but when it finally hit and her body tensed, she was almost breathless. She came in silence, her forehead against Steve’s shoulder. Feeling her clench around him, he kept enough wits not to tighten his hand on her chest, but the other one held her firmly as he rocked his hips to draw out her pleasure. 

"Oh… Steve, Steve, Steve…" she panted before she moved her nails away from his muscles. "Oh I love you… love you so much… can’t wait to be your little wife…" Her own sincere confession coming out of nowhere surprised her and her flustered face turned a darker shade of red but she didn’t want to take it back. Her words set him off for the second time and when his vision focused again, he peppered kisses over her neck, shoulders, chest, her face. 

"I love you, my darling Pippa. I will be the happiest man in the world when you are mine, and I’m yours." He finished his effort with a deep kiss on her lips. 

They laid in the bed for a few long moments, Steve stroking her back and whispering promises to always take care of her, to be the absolute best husband he could be. Eventually, they had to get out of bed and clean up. 

Steve reheated the forgotten dinner, and they snuggled up on the couch together, eating and watching a slightly cheesy Christmas romantic comedy. Pippa clung to him all night like she would have with a big pillow, mumbling sweet nothings. After the movie was over she finally confessed. “You know, I’m really excited to go back to work, I’d rather not do this again, our next vacation must be less lazy than this one!” 

“Vacation?! This has been my most difficult assignment I’ve ever had. I’ll be happy to go back to the cakewalk of tracking and fighting super villains.” Steve blew a raspberry into her neck and she giggled in a way she only did for him. They kissed and she moved her hands under his sweater again, pretending to be cold.


	14. Epilogue

She had so much paperwork to catch up with that Pippa didn’t have time go to the gym for three days after they went back to work. She was only allowed to walk fast, no running, no weight lifting, and her super chaperon was on the treadmill next to her to make sure she wouldn’t disobey. A few times Pippa without thinking sped up, but Steve’s soft cough reminded her she had to take it easy.

When Agent Ward walked into the gym, he seemed cranky. Pippa, readjusting her tank top over her sweat pants, didn’t even think twice on it. If he had been smiling, then she would have been worried. 

"Agent Coulson! You took my parking spot, again…"

"I know," Pippa apologized with a smile. "But the other spots are too narrow for Lola."

"Then ask them to give you another spot but not mine!" Ward insisted and crossed his arms. Pippa bent over to grab her water bottle and took a swig, unaware of the view Ward was getting of her cleavage and the few drops that fell on her white tank top. 

There was the smallest second when Ward and Steve’s eyes met, and the young agent felt like the super solider could read his mind, the improper thought that had popped up. The slightest movement of Steve’s head was all that was necessary to communicate how he never wanted to see Ward looking at Pippa like that again. Ward shook his head, blushed and stepped back.

"You know what…? Nevermind, I’ll find another spot." Pippa blinked in surprise and looked at Steve as the agent backed out of the gym and left them alone. 

“Did you see that? He didn’t even put up a fight. I’ve never negotiated with Ward so easily! What’s gotten into him?”

"Well, I think you need to update your profile. You now have proficiency with a new weapon," Steve replied while wiping the sweat off his face. When she scrunched her face in confusion, Steve not so subtly moved his eyes down to her chest and smiled. Pippa hesitated for a second, blushed and shrugged.

"Pfffft… don’t be silly!" she ordered, embarrassed, as she slapped his arm with her towel. She looked down at her chest, saw the way her cleavage pushed on the white fabric that revealed her bra. "You… you think so?"

"Yes, and it’s very powerful, having even brought the strongest of men down to his knees…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too cute not to include this little scene. You can subscribe to the series so when the next installment (including Christmas, travel, and the return of Agent 13) comes up, you'll know. 
> 
> We appreciate your kudos and adore the comments. They help us keep going! :)


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